14 Day Love Challenge (revisited)

This post was originally written January 2012 and was hugely popular. So as Valentine's Day 

approaches, I thought I'd repost it to spur some creativity in the Love Department. 

WARNING: This blog is a little more "X-rated" than my typical family friendly post. Therefore, my parents, in-laws, and all unmarried people should stop reading right now. And, Andy, if you read this you will spoil all of your Valentine surprises, but I guess you can just look forward to them with anticipation. Your choice.

Now that we got that out of the way, I will proceed as if only married girls are reading this post...because that is who it is intended for. :-)

OK, girls! Are you ready to take a 14 Day Love Challenge and be a HUGE blessing to your husband? This is going to be a lot of fun!

February is just around the corner, and instead of celebrating our love just on one day, let's get creative and spread it out a little. Starting on February 1st, let's begin doing things (small or big) to express to our husbands how much we love, respect, and appreciate them!

Here is a list of ideas to get you started:

1. Write 14 Love Notes to your husband. See tomorrow's post for ideas. "Hide" one per day in a place that he is sure to find it. I promise you, by day 3 or 4 he will be hunting for them!
2. One night after the kids are in bed, prepare a candlelight picnic in your living room. A blanket on the floor, strawberries, cheese & crackers, something chocolate, and a bottle of wine/champaign/sparkling grape juice. Bonus points if you're naked!
3. Do something to bless him at work. Something slightly public so those he works with notice, but nothing too embarrassing. One idea I had is getting him several small gifts and having various co-workers give them to him on your behalf at appointed times throughout the day. 
4. Choose one day to send him love texts all day long. Think of things to say that you know would encourage him or put a smile on his face. (Sexting is not recommended, but I guess that's up to you!)
5. Make his favorite dessert for him.
6. Spend 5 minutes per day in focused prayer just for your husband. Thank God for all of his wonderful qualities. Pray for areas in your marriage that need growth. Pray that God would help you to be the spouse that your husband needs. 
7. Initiate intimacy every other night for two weeks...or if you're really a Superwoman, go for once (or twice!) a day. Try some new things to break up "business-as-usual". A new lotion, new lingerie, new location...
8. Think of a little project that is on his "to-do" list that he just hasn't been able to get around to. Do it for him and leave him a little note that says, "Because I love you. From, a helper suitable for you!"
9. Plan your Valentine's date. Arrange childcare, get reservations, plan something romantic. Don't leave all the planning up to your man and then act disappointed when the date didn't meet your expectations.
10. Kidnap him from work for a lunch date.
11. Download the song that you danced to at your wedding. Dance together in your living room and think of how far you've come since that day!
12. Find a good time to ask him, "What is one thing that I could do differently to be a better helper to you?" No matter what he says, don't defend yourself or make excuses. Thank him for his honesty and tell him that you will work hard to be more attentive to that. (If he says, "Nothing", it's probably either that he can't think of something off the top of his head or he's nervous to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or get in a fight. Give him the freedom to tell you his idea whenever it comes to him, and promise him that you will respond graciously. You want to know!)
13. Watch a movie (one of his favorites, a "guy" movie, or something really romantic) wearing either sexy lingerie OR nothing at all! If you have kids, just keep a blanket nearby incase they wander out. :-)
14. Make him his favorite breakfast one morning. Andy's is French Toast Casserole...pure goodness! Decorate the table (or tray if you do breakfast in bed) with candy conversation hearts.

I would LOVE to know if you're in and hear any more ideas that you have, so leave me a comment. This is going to be a lot of fun!

And if your marriage is struggling and all of this seems like way more work than fun, I challenge you to "fake it till you feel it". When you do what you CAN do, God will step in and do the IMPOSSIBLE. He can restore the love and intimacy that seems dead right now. So go ahead and take the 14 Day Love Challenge...you may be 14 days away from a miracle!

All things beautiful

Every time I hear the song “How He Loves Us” I think of Cardboard Testimonies. For South Bay’s 1 year anniversary service, Archie sang that song while over 20 people filed across the stage holding up their cardboard testimony. On one side there was a phrase that captured the brokenness of life. Pain. Disappointment. Broken dreams. On the other side were words that displayed God’s redemption of each situation. The way He pierced through their darkness with His light. His life breathed on what was thought dead. Hope among the wreckage. 

• Turned my back on God 15 years ago - God never turned His back on me
• Widowed with 5 young children - He is the Father to the fatherless
• Drug dealer - pastor

I play the scene over and over in my head. He makes ALL THINGS beautiful. It’s the “Ugly Beautiful”. The “brutiful” part of life.

I feel like I’m walking across that stage again white knuckling a piece of cardboard. Only this time just one side has writing on it:

“Suffered a miscarriage after 5 1/2 years of infertility”

Pain. Disappointment. Broken dreams.

But I know that I will flip the cardboard one day. I don’t know what’s going to be written on the other side. There’s no clear vision in my mind of how God will redeem this pain and make all things beautiful. But I know He will; that’s just what He does.

Brokenness? Yes. Hopelessness? No.

There are too many people around me with their cardboard testimonies, trophies of God’s glory, for me to believe I’ll be left stranded with only a one-sided story. Plus, I’ve got a whole closet full of my own scraps of cardboard to remind me of the faithfulness of God.

Beauty is coming. For me and for you. I don't know what's written on the unfinished piece of cardboard in your hand, but there is a faithful God who is in the business of redemption. He will never leave you forsaken on the stage of life with only a one-sided story. He makes ALL THINGS beautiful in His time.

South Bay's cardboard testimonies from February 2010

The Power of a Praying Parent

This post was originally written last June to honor my father on Father's Day and my grandmother on her 95th birthday. I wanted to share it again in the wake of her death as a reminder of the legacy that she passed down to us. By the grace of God, that legacy will live on through me, my children, and my grandchildren. May this story inspire us all to live lives of prayer and intentionality.

I have a rare heritage.

In a society where at least 1/2 of marriages end in divorce and fathers are no where to be found, I come from a long line of godly men & women.

My great-great-grandfather on my dad’s side (Granddaddy Burns) was just a regular guy. He wasn’t a pastor or a missionary or a seminary graduate. But he loved Jesus and he felt compelled that he should pray for his family down to the 6th generation. I’m not exactly sure why he chose the 6th generation or what those prayers sounded like, but those prayers included me, my kids, and my grandkids. Who does that?!

One of his daughters married a man by the last name Bynum. My great-grandfather (Granddaddy Bynum) studied law and was making a fine living as a lawyer. He was actually about to be appointed as the youngest judge in the history of the state of Alabama when he felt God’s call on his life to preach. So he left his career to begin a new one as a Methodist pastor. 

Great-granddaddy Bynum, now grafted into the Burn family prayers and legacy, had five children. One of them was a daughter name Corinne. The blessings and prayers and mercy that Granddaddy Burns had faithfully stored up were being passed down to her. Granddaddy Burns could have never foreseen than Corinne’s husband would not be blessed with the same heritage from which she came. Corinne’s husband, Steve, came from a fatherless home. He had to drop out of school in the 4th grade to help provide for his family when his father left them for another woman. But it seems, in the providence of God, that Granddaddy Burns’ prayers covered Steve too.

Steve (my Granddaddy Cloud) taught himself to read, put himself through Bible College during the Great Depression, and met a beautiful young lady named Corinne who became his partner in life and ministry. Together they served churches in Kentucky, Florida, and South Carolina. Steve preached while Corinne prayed and took baked goods to every family on their street and loved people with the love of Jesus. Never did a plumber or delivery man or hospice nurse come into their home that my grandparents didn’t share with them about the love of Jesus.

Steve & Corinne had a son, who they also named Steve. Steve was born with a fiercely independent and adventurous personality. Growing through his teenage years, Steve was determined that he would be a big, bad sinner despite the countless hours his parents spent on their knees on his behalf. But what Steve didn’t realize at the time is that he had a great grandfather that had also been praying for him, and God doesn’t forget things like that. Try as he may, Steve would always be a “failure” at running from God. The sin would leave him with such emptiness that he finally reached out for God. He couldn’t escape the mercy that was stored up on his behalf. 

When Steve (my dad) gave his life to Jesus at the age of 18, he jumped in with both feet. He became a youth pastor and then a senior pastor and has served God everyday of his life since he was 18 years old. Granddaddy Burns’ prayers that God would raise up preachers to the 6th generation were now being fulfilled to the 3rd generation.

I am apart of the 4th generation.

My husband has been grafted in to the prayers of blessing that Granddaddy Burns prayed on our behalf. 

South Bay Church is here today, in part, because of the prayers of Granddaddy Burns. He played a role in the 297 salvations that we’ve seen at South Bay thus far. Those 297 people will be in heaven one day and I think that perhaps they will each receive a handshake from Granddaddy Burns, who prayed for their pastor and his wife. 

I cannot tell you the comfort it brings me to know that my children and grandchildren are apart of this legacy as well. While I can’t claim with 100% assurance that none of them will be wayward or turn their backs on God, I am confident that God won’t allow them to go down that path without throwing every roadblock in their way. They’ve been marked. They’ve got mercy stored up for them. And they will be absolutely miserable living a life of spiritual poverty when they’ve got so much blessing available to them.  

One man who loved Jesus and was committed to prayer shaped the lineage of his family.

An Uncommon Life

June 2010

She was ready.

I thought I was too.

But when that call comes, I'm not sure if any of us are ever truly ready.

The image that stung my heart was imagining my dad walking out of her room and away from her body for the final time. That body that had given him life. That body that had nourished him with milk and kissed his bloody knees. That hand that held his as they walked to his first day of school. Those arms that brought comfort and relief to his frightened heart in the middle of the night. Those knees that knelt in countless hours of prayer for him. How do you say goodbye to that body?

Today we celebrated her life. A life well-lived. We remembered that she took homemade baked goods to all of her neighbors so that she could build relationships with them. We remembered the way she never saw an ambulance without voicing a prayer for God's mercy. We remembered how she NEVER threw away food. Ever. She would save two uneaten bites in her deep freezer fully convinced that she would take it out to eat later. (Her deep freezer is quite full of food!)

We remembered the time she saw her neighbor, who she had been trying to build a relationship with, go out in their back yard. She got so excited about the prospect of talking with them that she grabbed an empty watering can and pretended to be watering flowers just to have the chance to say hello.

She loved people. I mean, truly cared about them. About their lives and their families and their struggles. And she wanted nothing more than for them to experience the great joy and peace that was hers because of her relationship with Jesus.

As I was talking with Andy about her death, I said through teary eyes, "Who's gonna pray for us like that?" I counted on her prayers and I never doubted if they were coming. The older she got, the less she could do physically. But she never lost her ability to pray...and she did it constantly.

She also never lost the gratitude that shaped every word that came from her mouth. It was almost unreal. The kind of perspective on life that makes you wonder if it's fake. Surely she can't really receive all of life with that kind of praise, can she? Surely bitter words will slip out in the pain of her final days, when her mind isn't as sharp to filter them.

Nope. Never happened. And the only explanation I can come up with is that she really was that grateful. She wasn't just saying it or forcing herself to be positive. To the core of who she was, she received every moment as a gift.

She was not normal. In the very best way possible, she lived a quiet, humble, extraordinary life. You would be hard-pressed to find another person who is a better example of the Fruit of the Spirit. Her gentle spirit changed lives. I wish you had known her. She would have changed your life too.

A few weeks ago, my dad was visiting with her as she lay in her bed. She interrupted the conversation rather abruptly by sitting up and saying, "Steve, can you imagine what it would be like to go through this without the hope of eternity with Jesus?" Then she laid back down and quietly said, "I have no fear."

She had fought the good fight. She had finished the race. She had kept the faith.

And she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that her Jesus, the One she had adored and served and built her whole life around, was just on the other side with her crown of righteousness in hand.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. Psalm 116:15

Lead with what ya got

It's been a battlefield, this mind of mine, and war has been raging the last couple months. I know I'm in an intense season whenever I find that I'm carrying full-on conversations with myself (only sometimes out loud!). Do you ever do that? Find yourself deep in thought, mid-way through a conversation and then think, "Who in the world am I talking to?!"

Yesterday I was having one of these conversations that was half-praying and half just talking to myself. The dialogue was regarding my frustration about my lack of leadership at South Bay right now. I feel like I am tapped out and don't have a lot to offer. And, possibly for the first time in my life, I feel like maybe I'll never-ever-for-as-long-as-I-live want or be ready to lead again. I know in my mind that's a lie. But I'm just being honest, right?

Then God interrupted my flow-of-consciousness by depositing this nugget of truth into my heart.

"Lead with what I've given you." 

Right now I've been given a wheelbarrow full of sorrow and loss, and I push it around with me where ever I go. On Sundays I make sure to dress it up a little so it's not quite as conspicuous, but if you look closely under the table where I stand at the Guest Center you might catch a glimpse of where I tried to hide it. It's not pretty and it smells kinda bad, so people tend to avoid it. But the reality is, there are a lot of people at South Bay who are pushing around their own wheelbarrows full of grief. And somehow, I know in my heart, that it is an encouragement to them to see someone else who is trying to praise God with one hand while using the other to keep this unstable wheelbarrow from tipping. 

Sometimes we get to lead from our strengths, blessed with wisdom or success from the hand of God.

Sometimes we get to lead from our mistakes, humbly recognizing our need for 2nd chances.

And sometimes we get to lead from our pain. 

People need to see all three. We don't need leaders who have it all figured out and their lives never get rocked. We need leaders who are authentic, humble, and willing to share lessons learned whether in the valleys or mountaintops of life. 

So, no matter what season of life you may be in today, I pray that you will receive God's challenge to lead with what you've been given.