Same Team

Recently I was thinking about the early relationship between Mary & Joseph. We don’t really know much about their feelings for each other. We know they were engaged to be married, and according to the times, it was an arranged marriage between a young, barely-entered-puberty, Mary to an older, able-to-provide-for-a-family, Joseph. We don’t know if they were attracted to each other or excited about the arrangement. They may have been, but it’s just as possible that there was some level of dread, especially on Mary’s part. 

And then enters the horribly upsetting news that Mary is pregnant, and Joseph knows it’s not his baby. I can only imagine the hurt, confusion, and betrayal Joseph must have felt, along with a heaping dose of anger. 

But then God showed up. An angel came to Joseph to reassure him of this miraculous conception. God supernaturally intervened which allowed Joseph to enter a covenant with Mary with a lot more confidence than if he was just relying on Mary’s word. 

Mary and Joseph were going to go through tremendous hardship together. God knew that. The angel didn’t show up to Mary’s parents or anyone else in their small hometown. No one else had confidence in the story they were telling. They were the town scandal. This child was seen as an illegitimate baby...Even though they did nothing wrong (and evidently most things right!) 

God wanted Joseph and Mary to be undoubtably on the same team. To have each other’s back. To be in each other’s corner. To defend each other’s honor and show each other love and respect when the harshness of the world crushed in all around them. They needed each other. 

I get that. I have seen the invaluable strength it provides when Andy and I are unified through a trial. When no one else understands what we’re going through. When judgements are passed and critics have their say. When life hurts and we don’t have good answers. 

We’ve been walking through a storm lately and, sometimes when we are in the thick of it, one of us will look at the other and say those two simple words, “Same team.” The comfort that brings is astounding. As he walks out the door for work and I have a crying baby in the high chair, a sink full of dishes, and a child who just drew a masterpiece on our hard wood floor, he looks in my eyes and says, “Same team.” 

And we both know exactly what that means...it means that no matter what life throws at us, we will face it together. We will fight the problem, not each other. Our roles look different, but we are working toward the same end. We will not allow Satan to cause division. Even when we don’t know what to do to help or comfort the other, we are in each other’s corner. Even when I don’t understand his actions or he gets lost in my emotions, we both know with confidence that we are FOR each other. 

We are better together. Stronger together. So when we walk through storms, we will do it hand-in-hand, together. Same team. 

3 Things I Wish I Would Have Known 3 Years Ago

We recently celebrated Sammy's 3rd Gotcha Day. 3 amazing years of Sammy. The growth we've seen, in our own lives as well as in him, is a beautiful, beautiful picture of God's mercy and grace.

The Santos family (in the midst of an adoption from Brazil) joined us for some Ethiopian food and frozen yogurt as we celebrated the gift of Sammy.

Silly Sammy showing off his gifts from Ethiopia. 

At least one child was blurry in every picture from the yogurt shop. 

Guess the sugar-high was kicking in!

This time of year always causes me to get reflective on our adoption process, so I thought this week I'd share three things I wish I had known 3 years ago. Today I'll share #1.

1- Whenever in doubt, error on the side of grace.

Up unto the point Sammy joined our family, our only parenting experience had been with Caedmon who has been with us since he was born. Andy & I had taken a more structured approach to raising Caedmon when it came to sleep patterns, schedule, etc. We let Caedmon "cry-it-out" at night and he was sleeping like a champ in his own room by the time he was 3 months old. Although I had to arm-wrestle him more than once regarding nap time, Caedmon took a long afternoon nap every day until he was nearly 5 years old.

Then enters Sammy. Sammy's sleep issues hit us like an 18-wheeler. He did not sleep through the night for the first year and a half after we got him home...often up 3-4 times per night. At first he would wake up with night terrors, shaking & screaming. Those passed fairly quickly but then he just became a party animal, wanting to hang out and chat at 2 AM. We had no idea what to do and were getting mixed advice from people. Some said to let him sleep in bed with us, some said to keep him in the same room but in his own bed, and others encouraged us to move him to Caedmon's room. 

Andy & I were pretty committed to not letting Sammy sleep in bed with us because 1) Andy & I couldn't sleep if Sammy got in our bed, and 2) we feel that's an unhealthy pattern long term and did not want to start a habit we'd have to break. We let Sammy sleep in a pack-n-play in our room, which we felt like was a compromise. But one of us inevitably spent half the night in a rocking chair holding him or with our body hanging over the side of the pack-n-play rubbing his back.

Looking back, however, Andy & I both feel like it would have been helpful and beneficial to have allowed Sammy to sleep with us for a time. Our presence soothed him and he needed the reassurance that we were always near.

I think, regardless of whether or not we had let him sleep in our bed, we were going to have to deal with some major sleep issues with Sammy. BUT, what I wish I would have known (and been okay with) is that it wasn't going to ruin Sammy, and might actually help him a lot, to error on the side of grace. The structure and order that I craved would eventually come in time. But it may take a lot MORE time than what I wanted.

When we brought Sammy home, I expected some sleepless nights. But, I just assumed that by the 3 month mark this 2 year old would be "sleeping like a champ in his own room" just like Caedmon had. I had stored up grace for the first 3 months, but the well seemed to run dry long before the need was quenched. 

I'm happy to say that Sammy has great sleep patterns now. He stays in his bed all night and gives me much less of a fit about nap time than Caedmon ever did. We made it through that rough, sleepless season. But the journey may have been more pleasant if we had given more grace along the way.

Whatever struggle you're facing right now, adoption-related or not, give it time and give it grace. It WILL pass and you will have a lot fewer regrets if you get your own tank of grace filled up from the Giver and then splash it all over those around you!

Come back tomorrow for #2. 

Five Years Ago today

Do you remember what you were doing 5 years ago today? I, for one, will never forget.

Andy and I had been separated for the better of two weeks as he left Caedmon & me in South Carolina to begin his cross country trek to California. He drove to Texas, loaded a U-Haul with all of our stuff that was in storage, and then drove that U-Haul (pulling a car) from Dallas to San Jose all by himself. In the week before Caedmon & I arrived, he was attempting to find/rent somewhere for us to live AND get moved in...all by himself! He was my hero.

August 26 was the day Caedmon & I were scheduled to arrive in San Jose. But after the computer system in Atlanta crashed causing a dreadful travel experience with an almost 2 year old, we finally made it on August 27. We were deliriously tired, but oh so excited to be HOME!

It was the strangest feeling. I had read books where missionaries said that when they landed in China or Ecuador or _______ that they felt like they were finally home. I never understood that until I landed in California. I had been raised all my life as a Southern Girl (capitalized on purpose as that term is a proper noun), but you would have thought I was born and bred for the Silicon Valley.

That season of our lives was so full of excitement and promise. God had given us a God-sized dream, and every day we were watching it unfold before our eyes. We knew no one when we landed here, but one friendship at a time, one cookout at a time, one playgroup at a time, God started forming a network of people who would become South Bay Church.

As I look back over the past 5 years, my heart is BURSTING with joy and gratitude for all that God has done. South Bay has grown from 3 families to over 1500 people in weekly attendance. We've seen hundreds of people surrender their lives to Jesus and find new life in Him. We've seen marriages restored, people begin to thrive as they use their gifts, and community grow.

We've watched our almost 2 year old grow into an almost 7 year old. We've journeyed through an adoption and had our hearts hijacked by a gorgeous Ethiopian little boy who is now our son. We've felt the indescribable strength and love of a community of faith as South Bay grieved with us in our miscarriage and cheered wildly when we announced our current pregnancy.

Sometimes people thank us for being willing to move here to start South Bay Church. But let me tell ya, it is pure JOY for us. While they thank us, we just thank Jesus that He brought us here. There is no where else we would rather be and nothing else we would rather be doing. What a privilege it is to serve the King!

Here's to the next 5 amazing years! (And the 5 after that, and the 5 after that, and the...)

Lake Tahoe

Today is the day. After a glorious week at Lake Tahoe, we will be heading home to San Jose. My amazing husband took the boys on an ultimate Boys' Club adventure this morning and left me at Starbucks to read, relax, and blog. Great way to end a great week!

This was a work trip for Andy, and we just got to tag along. Plus we got the added benefit of seeing Andy at lunch and in the evenings for family fun! The boys and I used our mornings for school. I use two different age-appropriate curriculums for the boys, but some fun activities they do together. Tracing letters on a paint bag was a big hit.

It has been all ABC practice for Sammy this week. Who knew there were SO many different games and ways to reinforce letter sounds and letter recognition?! Thank you www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com for all of the ideas!

 
The boys raced to find the letter I called out.

After we wrapped up our schoolwork, Andy took a lunch break with us each day. We picniced by the pool and swam for a bit. I love how Sammy wears these googles.

Check out how his ears are smashed forward. Funny kid.

 Caedmon's awesome version of a dive. Makes me laugh every time.

And his specialty, the backwards cannon ball.

On afternoons that it wasn't raining, we would head over to the playground. I think a summer uniform for boys should be swim trunks, flip flops/crocs, and optional t-shirts.

Caedmon has never met a stranger and jumped right in this family's baseball game!

I just can't get enough of these smiles...

All this activity required some refueling and nothing's better for that than a little ice cream...

...and a quick nap wherever you can catch one.

For a special treat our last night, we let the boys do this bungee jumping trampoline. They had been eyeing it all week so Andy & I shamelessly used it as bribery, I mean, an incentive for good behavior throughout the week!

His expression is bursting with excitement!

He figured out how to do a flip!

After we did homeschool all morning and activities all afternoon, we would meet up with Andy for dinner and some family fun. He even gave me some alone time to refuel on three different occasions this week. It has been lovely!

Andy had the idea to take the boys on a hike this morning before heading home. He's been sending me pictures all morning and my heart is just overflowing with gratitude. I feel so, so blessed that we've gotten to spend this week here, that our family is making such wonderful memories together, that my boys have a father who is fun & creative & invests so much in them. Those two little guys have NO IDEA how blessed they are to have a dad like Andy Wood, but I know full-well and I am so smitten with him. He is always surprising me with just how awesome he is.

I am headed home to San Jose with my heart refreshed and my mind filled with snapshots of great memories. 

Home Improvement

Andy and I are not home-project kind of people. I think this can be boiled down to 3 main reasons.

1. Neither of us have the skill set needed for even minor repairs. We can’t fix a leaky faucet and we will stare at a hole in our wall until we pay someone else to come patch it. We’re doing good just to change a lightbulb around here, People. Andy tells me, “I am not your Handy-Man. I am your Andy-Man.” Noted.
2. Home improvements require money. When we moved into our house a year and a half ago, there were several things that we needed to spend money on to make it more homey. But we ran out of cash before we ran out of projects. So several things that have needed attention for some time have been left undone as we’ve saved up some more cash.
3. Neither Andy nor I enjoy shopping. We avoid retail stores like the plague and would much rather spend an evening cuddled on the couch watching a TV show than surfing the Internet for rugs. Plus, the “visual design” component of my brain never developed, which makes picking out curtains and hanging pictures a rather daunting task.

But, alas, the time had come to give a little attention to the homefront and I must say that I am right proud of ourselves! We have gotten more accomplished around our home in the last six weeks than (probably) the last 10 years of marriage!

I felt particularly motivated because of some significant deadlines: 

• Homeschool starts August 19
• Andy’s brother is moving in with us for the Fall on September 4
• Baby is due on November 9

I’m pretty sure that I won’t be super productive once homeschool starts back up and ESPECIALLY once our Little One arrives. So we had a small window between family vacation and school starting to get it done!

Here’s a list of some of things we’ve gotten accomplished around these parts the past 6 weeks:

• transformed my school room / office into a bedroom for Andy’s brother
• painted nursery
• bunked boys beds and transformed half of their bedroom into our school room
• painted outdoor patio and bought some patio furniture
• single-handedly put together 10 (TEN!) pieces of furniture!
• purchased a vehicle
• lots of cleaning, organizing, odds & ends type projects

We are in desperate need of a garage sale as our garage is becoming scarier and scarier to go into...like a black hole of STUFF.  But we’ve made a ton of progress and we are closing in on the finish line. Whew! 

And it’s a good thing, because school starts on Monday!

IT'S A...

Last night was one of the happiest nights of my life. 

A few weeks ago my friend, Mandy, said she'd like to do some type of gender reveal celebration for us.    Boy, did she ever pull off something great!

Mandy is my "we're in this together" friend. She and her husband, Filipe, were the first to join us in taking ownership of the vision of South Bay. They sold virtually everything they owned, moved across the country with us, and have labored side-by-side with us as South Bay turned from a vision to a reality.We raise our children together, vacation together, and share life's ups and downs with each other. She has walked this whole journey with me emotionally...from the years of infertility, the excitement of pregnancy, the devastation of losing the baby, the timidity of beginning another pregnancy, and now this... 

Last night before the reveal she said (without crying, amazingly!), "I have prayed for this baby for the last 5 years." What a gift. What a friend. 

As I looked around at the friends who were gathered, I knew each of them knew our story. Each of them had prayed prayers on behalf of our situation. They grieved with us in our pain and were pulling for us every step of the way. The joy of last night was magnified because of the back drop of pain it was cast against. 

Mandy called in the A-Team of party planning and they pulled off such a special, beautiful, and fun party. (She promised me they would keep it simple. I told her I think she must have a different definition of the word "simple"!) It was a night full of laughter, excitement, hugs, and tears of joy. 

 Yummy desserts with an adorable banner

Everyone had to vote whether they thought the baby would be a 

"Bow" or "Bowtie". This group was betting on a girl! 

Here are the bowties. 

It was really late on the East Coast, but my sister & mom insisted that they wanted to stay 

awake and be apart. I Skyped my mom and Facetimed in my sister. Love technology!

No one at the party knew the gender. Even my friend who brought the balloons had 

someone else prepare the balloons for her. There was SO MUCH anticipation and 

excitement in the air! That moment was more wonderful than anything I had hoped for. 

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!

Here are all the girls celebrating another addition to our tribe! Don't let the silly faces 

fool you...at least half of these ladies were in tears moments earlier. What a joy to 

have friends who love you so deeply!

 Here's a 45 second clip of the reveal! I've watched it at least a dozen or two times!

All About Andy Day!

I’m not sure anything gives me more joy than planning and pulling off something really special for someone that I love. 

I realized a few weeks ago that our family would be traveling on Andy’s birthday AND Father’s Day this year. Poor guy. That’s not a very fun way to spend your special day. So I started racking my brain for ideas of what I could do to make those events meaningful celebrations. 

After pursuing half a dozen options, I finally landed on “All About Andy Day”. On Thursday morning I gave Andy the following paper to let him know that the next day would be his special day!

Thursday afternoon I picked up Andy’s dream car (a Jeep Wrangler) from a friend of ours. They were so gracious to allow us to use the car all weekend. It made the whole experience feel like a rugged adventure. So fun!

After the boys went to sleep on Thursday night, I prepped all of our food for the picnic the next day. Andy prefers healthy food, so In-N-Out was not an option on a day especially crafted for him. Made egg salad, assembled fruit kabobs, sliced fresh veggies, and whipped up some homemade hummus. 

I told Andy, "I think I must express love through thoughtfully prepared food!"

Friday turned out about as perfect as a day could be. One minor glitch in the plans was that Andy didn't really get to "wake up slowly and snuggle with his boys" due to the fact that his boys thought it would be great fun to bust out of their room at 6:40 and begin opening and slamming all the upstairs doors. Oh well. Not all variables can be controlled. :-/

A yummy breakfast

Andy went for a long walk while I made these beauties.

We hit the road a little after 10 and took the scenic route to Santa Cruz.

We stopped at a playground to play and enjoy our picnic.

Who do you think had the most fun at the playground? Watch this 6 second video to find out!

After the playground, Andy introduced the rest of us to frozen Acai. Ahhh! Where have you been all my life?! If you haven't had it, evidently it's a type of fruit that is popular in Brazil. There's a place in Santa Cruz that mixes the frozen Acai with your choice of toppings, such as granola, bananas, etc... So good!

Then, of course, we had to head over to the beach for a bit...

After the beach, we drove home to take showers and get ready for Date Night!! We dropped our boys off at the Santos house and headed over to Maggiano's for a delicious, romantic dinner. What a perfect way to end a wonderful day!

The day took a bit of planning and prep, but not a whole lot of extra money. Investing in the people we love is so worth the effort and it's mutually beneficial! I got to enjoy all the fun, too. Plus, a husband who feels loved and blessed delights in loving and blessing his wife! It's a good cycle to be on!

Happy Birthday & Father's Day, Andy! My admiration and respect for you is constantly growing. You are an amazing man and I'm SO THANKFUL to get to call you mine!

ME- in 5 sentences or less

Andy & I were so honored to be ask to speak for part of the SEND Conference in July. It's going to be an awesome event for a lot of leaders who are passionate about seeing the love Jesus made known throughout North America. Andy & I are NOT main-stage speakers. No, no, no. Not nearly that important. But! We are excited just to get to be there and do a breakout session.

Today they asked for my bio.

???

How would you sum up the totality of who you are in just a few sentences? What gives the best glimpse of your life? Your history? Your education? Your job-title?

Here's what I came up with. Yes, I'm serious. I actually sent this in to be printed.

Stacie and her husband, Andy, moved cross-country to San Jose, CA in August '08 to start South Bay Church. They have two boys, Caedmon (6) and Sammy (4). She spends most days in yoga pants cleaning up peanut butter smears and spilt milk. She homeschools when they get around to it and thinks the day has been an enormous success if she can work out, shower, read her Bible, and write a blog post all in one day. She is an expert at building LEGO creations, a champion at UNO, and has been known to bust a move in a spontaneous dance party in the living room.

I thought that captured my life pretty well. I hope they like it (and will still let me speak)!

Can I just get a moment?

The cool night air was moving in as I watched Sammy playing with 30 other kids at Park Valencia on Santana Row. I pulled my jacket tight around me as I leaned back in my chair and grinned. I was a spectator from the sidelines, taking in the magic of the moment.

Children who had met five minutes prior were now the best of friends as they threw a football and lined up for competitive races. An older boy took Sammy under his wing to make sure that Sammy got a turn with the football. Sammy was running and jumping and laughing with pure delight.

I could have drank in the goodness of that scene for an hour. But football boy had to leave and our food arrived, so the moment was cut short. It was just a moment, but it was mine.

I must have said to Andy half a dozen times, "This was such a good idea. Thank you for bringing us here tonight." I hadn't even realized how much my heart was thirsty for it.

I don't know about you, but I feel like one week steamrolls into the next around here. I assume I'll be able to finish this weekend all the things on my to-do list that I didn't get to this week, but lo and behold, it's Sunday night and here comes the next week with the same to-do list. Only several more things have been added. The weight of what I didn't get done drains the life out of me.

More days than I'd like to admit are spent feeling guilty and defeated by everything I didn't get accomplished. Instead of living with thankfulness and joy, failures are magnified and pulled into focus. Why do we do that to ourselves? We tend to live our lives with our heads down and hand to the plow, working so hard for the harvest that we miss the magic of the moment.

But sometimes, we just need to stop.

To look up.

To notice, or find, or create a moment of beauty at which we can marvel.

Like Andy's day off a couple of weeks ago when he spontaneously suggested, "Let's go to Monterey for the day."

Yes. Let's.

Let's share a picnic on a grassy field with the sunshine beating on our legs. Let's eat frozen yogurt with our kids and laugh at the tremendous mess they are capable of making. Let's lay on our tummies and watch our boys play in the sand against a backdrop of the Pacific. Let's drink in the goodness of being a family all over again.

We swept the debris from the week away from a moment and created a sacred space.

You may not get to take a week's vacation any time soon. You may even struggle to find a full day to relax. But you can take a moment.

Go for a walk with your spouse. Play UNO with your child. Listen to your favorite song at full volume with all the windows rolled down.

What moment can you claim as your own today?

The Heart of the Matter

This morning as I was making breakfast, Sammy probably asked me 12 times if he could help. It's not uncommon for Sammy to want to help and he does so regularly, but this time it felt more like "I-just-need-to-be-close-to-you-right-now-Mommy". So he stirred the oatmeal on the stove and sprinkled it with cinnamon.

I noticed while we were eating that he was very quiet. That is completely out of character for Sammy, especially at the table. He is forever getting "talked to" for his silly antics and loud chatter that occupies his meal times, as opposed to actually eating. But not this morning. This morning he just ate his oatmeal without saying a word while Caedmon and I chatted about the day.

Finally it dawned on me that something wasn't right.

I said, "Sammy, are you okay?"

blank stare into his bowl of oatmeal

"Sammy, are you feeling sick?

shakes head "no"

"Are you sad?"

shakes head "no"

"Is there something that you need Mommy to do for you?"

begins to shake his head "no", but then nods "yes"

"What can Mommy do for you?"

crosses his arms

"A hug? Do you need a hug?"

solemn face. big nod.

He climbed over in my lap, put his head on my shoulder, and there we sat for the next 10 minutes. Not a word was said. Just gently swaying back and forth, filling up a heart that must have leaked all out. After about 10 minutes or so, he slid back into his chair and finished the rest of his breakfast. And he's been back to "normal" ever since.

After breakfast the boys went off to play and I told Andy what had happened. He said, "That's strange. Sammy did the same thing to me this morning. Sat in my lap with his head on my shoulder for at least 10 minutes."

For any of you who know Sammy, you know he is not typically a cuddler. Your'e lucky to get a high five as he sprints by, and you practically have to tackle him to get a hug. He is almost always silly, playful, and on the move. So, for him to spend 20+ minutes of his morning in his mommy & daddy's arms revealed that something was going on his heart.

God used this moment with Sammy to remind me of how very important a parent's role is in listening to his/her child's heart. It would have been so easy to miss the subtle clues that Sammy was giving. I could have been (as I am many mornings) rushing around to clean up the breakfast dishes or checking email on my phone. I thanked God that He gave me eyes to catch this one, and it left me wondering how many others I have missed in the past.

Whether they're toddlers or teenagers, our kids often have a hard time expressing (or even understanding!) what's going on in their hearts. We do them a great service when we are attentive, ask questions, and take the time to show that we deeply care.

Take a moment to think about each of your children...What clues are they trying to pass you? What hidden message is behind their words? What behavior are they showing that is really an outward manifestation of something taking place deep below the surface?

It is so easy to rush through each day, from the first ring of the alarm clock to bedtime routine, and never truly engage the heart. God reminded me this morning to slow down. Prioritize the heart. 

14 Day Love Challenge (revisited)

This post was originally written January 2012 and was hugely popular. So as Valentine's Day 

approaches, I thought I'd repost it to spur some creativity in the Love Department. 

WARNING: This blog is a little more "X-rated" than my typical family friendly post. Therefore, my parents, in-laws, and all unmarried people should stop reading right now. And, Andy, if you read this you will spoil all of your Valentine surprises, but I guess you can just look forward to them with anticipation. Your choice.

Now that we got that out of the way, I will proceed as if only married girls are reading this post...because that is who it is intended for. :-)

OK, girls! Are you ready to take a 14 Day Love Challenge and be a HUGE blessing to your husband? This is going to be a lot of fun!

February is just around the corner, and instead of celebrating our love just on one day, let's get creative and spread it out a little. Starting on February 1st, let's begin doing things (small or big) to express to our husbands how much we love, respect, and appreciate them!

Here is a list of ideas to get you started:

1. Write 14 Love Notes to your husband. See tomorrow's post for ideas. "Hide" one per day in a place that he is sure to find it. I promise you, by day 3 or 4 he will be hunting for them!
2. One night after the kids are in bed, prepare a candlelight picnic in your living room. A blanket on the floor, strawberries, cheese & crackers, something chocolate, and a bottle of wine/champaign/sparkling grape juice. Bonus points if you're naked!
3. Do something to bless him at work. Something slightly public so those he works with notice, but nothing too embarrassing. One idea I had is getting him several small gifts and having various co-workers give them to him on your behalf at appointed times throughout the day. 
4. Choose one day to send him love texts all day long. Think of things to say that you know would encourage him or put a smile on his face. (Sexting is not recommended, but I guess that's up to you!)
5. Make his favorite dessert for him.
6. Spend 5 minutes per day in focused prayer just for your husband. Thank God for all of his wonderful qualities. Pray for areas in your marriage that need growth. Pray that God would help you to be the spouse that your husband needs. 
7. Initiate intimacy every other night for two weeks...or if you're really a Superwoman, go for once (or twice!) a day. Try some new things to break up "business-as-usual". A new lotion, new lingerie, new location...
8. Think of a little project that is on his "to-do" list that he just hasn't been able to get around to. Do it for him and leave him a little note that says, "Because I love you. From, a helper suitable for you!"
9. Plan your Valentine's date. Arrange childcare, get reservations, plan something romantic. Don't leave all the planning up to your man and then act disappointed when the date didn't meet your expectations.
10. Kidnap him from work for a lunch date.
11. Download the song that you danced to at your wedding. Dance together in your living room and think of how far you've come since that day!
12. Find a good time to ask him, "What is one thing that I could do differently to be a better helper to you?" No matter what he says, don't defend yourself or make excuses. Thank him for his honesty and tell him that you will work hard to be more attentive to that. (If he says, "Nothing", it's probably either that he can't think of something off the top of his head or he's nervous to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or get in a fight. Give him the freedom to tell you his idea whenever it comes to him, and promise him that you will respond graciously. You want to know!)
13. Watch a movie (one of his favorites, a "guy" movie, or something really romantic) wearing either sexy lingerie OR nothing at all! If you have kids, just keep a blanket nearby incase they wander out. :-)
14. Make him his favorite breakfast one morning. Andy's is French Toast Casserole...pure goodness! Decorate the table (or tray if you do breakfast in bed) with candy conversation hearts.

I would LOVE to know if you're in and hear any more ideas that you have, so leave me a comment. This is going to be a lot of fun!

And if your marriage is struggling and all of this seems like way more work than fun, I challenge you to "fake it till you feel it". When you do what you CAN do, God will step in and do the IMPOSSIBLE. He can restore the love and intimacy that seems dead right now. So go ahead and take the 14 Day Love Challenge...you may be 14 days away from a miracle!

The Power of a Praying Parent

This post was originally written last June to honor my father on Father's Day and my grandmother on her 95th birthday. I wanted to share it again in the wake of her death as a reminder of the legacy that she passed down to us. By the grace of God, that legacy will live on through me, my children, and my grandchildren. May this story inspire us all to live lives of prayer and intentionality.

I have a rare heritage.

In a society where at least 1/2 of marriages end in divorce and fathers are no where to be found, I come from a long line of godly men & women.

My great-great-grandfather on my dad’s side (Granddaddy Burns) was just a regular guy. He wasn’t a pastor or a missionary or a seminary graduate. But he loved Jesus and he felt compelled that he should pray for his family down to the 6th generation. I’m not exactly sure why he chose the 6th generation or what those prayers sounded like, but those prayers included me, my kids, and my grandkids. Who does that?!

One of his daughters married a man by the last name Bynum. My great-grandfather (Granddaddy Bynum) studied law and was making a fine living as a lawyer. He was actually about to be appointed as the youngest judge in the history of the state of Alabama when he felt God’s call on his life to preach. So he left his career to begin a new one as a Methodist pastor. 

Great-granddaddy Bynum, now grafted into the Burn family prayers and legacy, had five children. One of them was a daughter name Corinne. The blessings and prayers and mercy that Granddaddy Burns had faithfully stored up were being passed down to her. Granddaddy Burns could have never foreseen than Corinne’s husband would not be blessed with the same heritage from which she came. Corinne’s husband, Steve, came from a fatherless home. He had to drop out of school in the 4th grade to help provide for his family when his father left them for another woman. But it seems, in the providence of God, that Granddaddy Burns’ prayers covered Steve too.

Steve (my Granddaddy Cloud) taught himself to read, put himself through Bible College during the Great Depression, and met a beautiful young lady named Corinne who became his partner in life and ministry. Together they served churches in Kentucky, Florida, and South Carolina. Steve preached while Corinne prayed and took baked goods to every family on their street and loved people with the love of Jesus. Never did a plumber or delivery man or hospice nurse come into their home that my grandparents didn’t share with them about the love of Jesus.

Steve & Corinne had a son, who they also named Steve. Steve was born with a fiercely independent and adventurous personality. Growing through his teenage years, Steve was determined that he would be a big, bad sinner despite the countless hours his parents spent on their knees on his behalf. But what Steve didn’t realize at the time is that he had a great grandfather that had also been praying for him, and God doesn’t forget things like that. Try as he may, Steve would always be a “failure” at running from God. The sin would leave him with such emptiness that he finally reached out for God. He couldn’t escape the mercy that was stored up on his behalf. 

When Steve (my dad) gave his life to Jesus at the age of 18, he jumped in with both feet. He became a youth pastor and then a senior pastor and has served God everyday of his life since he was 18 years old. Granddaddy Burns’ prayers that God would raise up preachers to the 6th generation were now being fulfilled to the 3rd generation.

I am apart of the 4th generation.

My husband has been grafted in to the prayers of blessing that Granddaddy Burns prayed on our behalf. 

South Bay Church is here today, in part, because of the prayers of Granddaddy Burns. He played a role in the 297 salvations that we’ve seen at South Bay thus far. Those 297 people will be in heaven one day and I think that perhaps they will each receive a handshake from Granddaddy Burns, who prayed for their pastor and his wife. 

I cannot tell you the comfort it brings me to know that my children and grandchildren are apart of this legacy as well. While I can’t claim with 100% assurance that none of them will be wayward or turn their backs on God, I am confident that God won’t allow them to go down that path without throwing every roadblock in their way. They’ve been marked. They’ve got mercy stored up for them. And they will be absolutely miserable living a life of spiritual poverty when they’ve got so much blessing available to them.  

One man who loved Jesus and was committed to prayer shaped the lineage of his family.

Choosing to Trust

The following is part of a series of posts that will take you on a (very personal) journey with me through the story of our family. If you are just now tuning in, take a minute to start back at the beginning and catch up: 

Post 1: A Journey

Post 2: Love Awakened

Post 3: Hope Deferred

Post 4: Worth the Wait

Post 5: A Longing Fulfilled

Post 6: Faith Tested

I'm going to try to wrap this up in about 3 more posts. Can you hang with me? 

Our time in San Diego felt strange. Not exactly the mixture of emotions we thought we'd be experiencing on this family vacation. We didn't expect to need to research the nearest hospitals every day when we went on an outing just in case we needed to get there quickly. I had envisioned putting the boys to sleep early and then watching movies with Andy while cuddling on the couch and enjoying desserts. We did some of that, but our evenings were also filled with tears pent up from the day, long conversations trying to make sense of everything, and writing down my thoughts as I tried to process through my grief. 

I didn't want to miss this moment with my boys, but I felt like a shell of myself. I'd be fine one minute and then hiding my face from my kids the next to disguise the tears that had suddenly sprung to my eyes. 

There were three different components of what we were walking through: the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual. 

Physically we knew that the actual miscarriage could take place at anytime. Most of the time, a woman's body can do this naturally but my midwife had warned us that there are occasions where you have to go the hospital because of complications. This especially worried Andy so he was constantly checking on me to see how I was feeling physically. It kinda felt like the last week of pregnancy when you know labor could start at any time...we always had a contingency plan of what we'd do if that happened.

Emotionally we were both grieving. It felt like we had lost a child, or at least the hope of a child. This baby was deeply loved and long awaited. The pain ran deep.

I also grieved the loss of a joy-filled pregnancy. There was exuberant joy from every person that we had told that we were pregnant. Our hearts were so full and expectant that it felt impossible to keep the good news to ourselves. As I considered the thought of trying to get pregnant again, I understood that our next pregnancy will likely be received (by us and by others) with much more caution and even fear. Every expectant mom has the reality of miscarriage in the back of her mind. But when you have walked that road, the battle with fear is inevitable. I loved the unreserved excitement I had in sharing my joy with others. I felt like I lost that when I lost this baby.

And, though this may seem unimportant, I also grieved the loss of what I felt like was perfect timing for our family. A late June due date was great for the rhythm of Andy's schedule with his church responsibilities. Fall is always a busy time for the church, and next fall in particular we have already started planning some big things for South Bay. The timing was also great as a homeschooling mom because it provided about 6 weeks to get our feet back under us before needing to think about school. I could totally wrap my mind around a late June birthday...but now it felt like we were completely up in the air again.

Perhaps the most difficult thing to process, however, was the spiritual component of what happened. 

The day I found out I was pregnant, I had imagined God like a parent who just watched their child open the best Christmas gift ever. I imagined him laughing with joy and clapping His hands with delight. Now, as I looked back on that day, I had no idea what God was thinking while He looked on from Heaven. He knew that in 3 weeks time my joy would turn to grief like I'd never experienced. I wondered what He was thinking and feeling as He watched me rejoice. I didn't know what to make of it. One night I said to Andy, "I just can't imagine my earthly father ever doing something to wound me so deeply. How do I received this from my Heavenly Father who loves me perfectly?" 

I knew that it was important to keep filling my mind with truth instead of allowing Satan to fill it with lies. So, before we left on vacation, I grabbed Chip Ingram's book entitled, "God As He Longs For You To See Him". My perspective of God was suddenly very fuzzy and I needed a trusted source to hold my hand and remind me of all the things that the Bible teaches as truth about the character of God. 

I also wanted to be real and honest about all of my questions while still being respectful of God. I don't think that God is at all threatened by our honest questions and He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. He's big enough to handle any emotion that we bring to the table and trying to disguise them is futile since He knows everything about us anyway. 

At the same time, we have to choose if we will come to God humbly or arrogantly. Seeking to understand or demanding answers. For example, one thing I've really struggled with is feeling like this chain of events in my life is cruel and mean spirited. After five and a half years of infertility, why even let us get pregnant only to take it away 7.5 weeks in? It would have been easier emotionally to not even get pregnant. So, I take that to God and lay it at His feet... "Father, to me, what just happened feels cruel. But I know that Your Word says that You are a kind and compassionate Father who loves to give good gifts to His children. How does what happened to me fit into the truth of who You are?"

The concept of prayer also left me with huge questions. Isn't praying for a child in accordance with God's will? He instructs us to "go forth and multiply" and tells us that "children are a blessing from the Lord." Doesn't the Bible promise that "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective"? Didn't Jesus teach that if we ask for anything in His name He would do it? Hadn't we prayed for years for a baby, received the pregnancy with gratitude and thanksgiving, and continued to pray DAILY for the health of this child? What went wrong?

I think anyone who says they have a clear understanding of how prayer works is probably a little crazy. Can we ever truly understand the Almighty? The truth is God does not owe me an explanation. He is God and He may do whatever He chooses. His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways. They are far higher. Far better, and wiser, and more loving than what I can wrap my mind around. He reserves the right to not explain all the why’s of His choices and I have to remind myself that if I could understand everything about God, He would be no God at all. 

Andy, who was also struggling through this concept of prayer, described it like this... sometimes when he presents an idea to our kids, he has already made up his mind that that's the way it's going to be. It is his "will" and nothing that the kids say is going to change his mind. But there are other occasions that the plan is more flexible. He wants to hear their opinions and feedback and will take them into consideration as he makes the final decision. Andy said, "Perhaps, in God's Sovereignty, prayer is kinda like that. We don't know which decisions our prayers can effect and which decisions God has already divinely determined, so we should just pray about everything, always knowing that God has every right to make the final call."

When we live this way, ending every prayer with "not my will but Your's be done", we can rest in the confidence that we serve a Sovereign God who knows the end from the beginning and His plan is always best. This is how we can acknowledge the deep longings of our hearts while reminding ourselves that our deepest longing is for the Lord’s will to be done in our lives. 

One other idea that has helped show me the value of prayer is a quote by Charles Spurgeon: 

“We do not show our trouble to the Lord that He may see it, but that we may see Him. It is for our relief, and not for His information, that we make plain statements concerning our troubles. It does us much good to list our sorrows.” 

So that's kinda where I've landed with it right now. I'll keep pouring out my heart to God...telling Him all that I long for, asking Him all of my unanswered questions, and sifting through my every emotion at the foot of His throne. I'll keep doing that because I believe, in my heart of hearts, that He cares. That He loves me deeply. That He is a kind and compassionate and good Father. That He would not hurt me without cause or withhold from me without preparing something better. And I will remind myself that He is God and I am not. Even when I don't understand, I know that He can be trusted.

Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him. Job 13:15