How to Lead Your Child to Christ- Part 5

Today is the final post in my series on how to help your child begin a relationship with Jesus. Up to this point, I've shared some tips on how to:

• Establish a good understanding of the character of God
• Help your child understand their need for a Savior
• Teach your child what it means to make Jesus "the Lord of his life" and
• Have a "closing the deal" conversation with your child.

In this post I'd like to offer a few final thoughts to consider as you prayerfully seek to help your child begin a relationship with Jesus. 

I believe that it is possible for children to put their faith in Jesus and truly become a Christian at quite a young age. Both Andy & I had this experience as young children. If your child shows tenderness toward the Lord at a young age and a desire to honor Jesus with his life, encourage that and help them to cultivate that relationship. If your child does accept Jesus as their Savior at a young age, it is likely that they will have another experience (perhaps in middle school or older) when they feel they make their faith more their own. This is common because as their understanding grows, their commitment to Jesus should grow deeper as well. They will transition from piggy-backing on their parents' faith to cultivating their own independent relationship with Jesus. Andy & I both had this experience as well. 

With that said, it is imperative that Christian parents don't push their children into making a decision that the child is not self-motivated to make. Making a premature decision can be very confusing for the child spiritually as they grow up AND it can create a false sense of "I'm okay with God" or "My kid's okay with God" when really that is not true at all. Due to the naiveté in children and the trust they have in their parents, most parents could convince their children to make a decision to followJesus or say that they want to be a Christian. What 6 year old, upon learning the reality of hell vs. heaven, wouldn't jump at the opportunity to be sure he/she was going to heaven? 

It's really a delicate balance...

Failing to capitalize on a child's spiritual tenderness at a young age is a HUGE mistake because if they don't learn to respond to the promptings of God on their hearts when they are young, their hearts tend to grow harder as they get older. So parents should pray fervently and work diligently toward the goal of having their children enter a relationship with Jesus. But, they have to keep checking themselves to make sure they are not pushing their child beyond what he/she is ready for. 

Also, we have to remember that our kids are learning what it means to be a Christian by watching us live our so-called "Christian" lives. They learn how to pray and how often to pray. They learn about repentance and forgiveness. They learn how important Scripture is to every day life. They learn how to calculate God into decisions. They learn about compassion, kindness, gentleness, patience, joy, and peace from watching our every move and every interaction with them. If we are following Jesus with all of our hearts, they will have a much better understanding of true discipleship then if we serve them some form of luke-warm Christianity. 

Finally, we have to remember that, ultimately, the decision is a personal decision between the child and Jesus. We cannot make the decision for them, nor can we take responsibility for the decision they make. There are so many parents who try to create the very best environment for their child and do all the right things to help their child grow spiritually, but the child doesn't respond. If that is where you are today, please know that Jesus has heard every prayer you have prayed on that child's behalf and not one of those prayers (or tears) have fallen to the ground. He has caught them all and they are precious to Him. And let me encourage you to continue in those fervent prayers because as long as there is prayer, there is hope! Trust in the God who loves your child so much more than you do!

How to Lead Your Child to Christ- Part 4

I've been writing a series of posts to give Christian parents some tools to know how to help their children begin a relationship with Jesus. I gotta be honest, I feel like I might be boring ya because I haven't gotten much feedback about these posts and I know it's not quite as exciting as pictures of me doing toe-touches. But I also know, for any Christian parent, there is nothing that we long for more than for our kids to experience the hope, peace, and joy we have found in our relationship with God. So I pray these posts are helpful and that you feel more equipped as a parent to be the leader spiritually.

Here's what we've discussed so far:
Step 1: Establish a good understanding of the character of God.
Step 2: Help your child understand their need for a Savior.
Step 3: Teach your child what it means for him to make Jesus "the Lord of his life."

Once you feel like your child is ready to make the commitment to follow Jesus, what do you do? What does the "deal-closing" conversation look like?

First let me emphasize that there is no magic formula. The Bible doesn't have a certain prayer that we must pray in order to become a Christian. There are no magical words that we say, so take a deep breath and don't get freaked out that you're going to royally mess this conversation up! The goal is to get your child to authentically express their heart and their desire to follow Jesus.

Through a series of open-ended questions (not yes/no questions but rather ones where your child has to formulate an answer without your prompting), get your child to explain to you these things:

• Why they feel the need to ask Jesus into their hearts (sinners, need forgiveness, Jesus is the only way to have a restored relationship with God)

• What Jesus did for them (lived a perfect life, died as a perfect sacrifice for our sin, rose from the dead to conquer sin and death so that we can live with Him in heaven one day)

• What it means to follow Jesus (letting Him make the decisions for our lives, He's in charge, He helps us to know what to do through the Bible and we do our best to obey Him out of our love for Him)

Here's a easy way to remember it.

A- Admit they are sinners in need of a Savior
B- Believe in their hearts that Jesus died for their sins so they could be forgiven and have a relationship with Him.
C- Commit to follow Him and obey Him all the days of their lives.

After you've had a good conversation with your child and you both feel he/she is ready to take this incredible step, help your child pray to ask Jesus into his/her heart. It is absolutely okay to have the child repeat a prayer line by line after you. Or if the child is willing/feels comfortable, have them pray on their own. Again, there are no magic words or formulas here. Just cover the basics that you talked through in your conversation...I'm a sinner, I need Jesus, I believe in what Jesus did on my behalf, I commit my life to follow Him. No matter what words come out, Jesus hears the heart!

I have a few concluding thoughts that I will share in one final post tomorrow.

How to Lead Your Child to Christ- Part 3

In the first two parts of this series, I shared some ideas for

• Establishing a good understanding of the character of God, and
• Helping your child see their need for a Savior.

To get your child to say "I want to be a Christian" or to repeat some prayer after you without having this as a foundation can lead to a false sense of security for both you and your child. It is crucial that each child, to the extent that they are cognitively capable, fully understand the decision they are making. In addition to Step 1 & 2, there is (at least) one more element that is necessary for your child to understand what it means to be a Christian.

Step 3: Teach your child what it means for him to make Jesus "the Lord of his life." 

That phrase, "the Lord of your life," is a little church-y, as in you hear it all the time in the Church but if your were to say it to a random stranger they would likely need interpretation.

Jesus is often referred to as "Lord" in the Bible. He is even called Lord of lords. Really, all it boils down to is that He is the leader. He's the One with the authority to make the decisions.

Driving in the car recently, Andy asked Caedmon, "What does it mean when someone is the master?"

I'm sure Caedmon's mind immediately went to Jedi Masters so he began explaining that being a master meant that you are the best at what you do and you're in charge and tell everyone else what their missions are supposed to be.

Then Andy asked, "What does it mean to be the leader?"

After Caedmon gave his explanation, Andy asked, "And what does it mean to be a king?"

Caedmon did an impressive job of answering the questions, and then we started discussing how that is what Jesus is for our lives. Jesus is our Master, our Leader, and our King. When we decide to follow Jesus, we give over the leadership and decision making to Him. We no longer decide for ourselves what we want to do. We listen to Him tell us what He wants us to do. 

This concept is hard for a child to fully grasp, but I do not believe a child is ready to receive Jesus as their Savior until they have some level of understanding of this crucial element. 

How do you make it practical?

• Talk through your decision making process with your kids at age-appropriate levels.

For example, our family is in the process of moving as our lease is up in March. We have talked with the boys about our decision making process and prayed with them that God would lead us to the place that He wants us to live.

• As you read the Bible & devotional books together, talk about how your kids can apply what they are learning to their everyday lives.

There are so many Bible stories/verses that highlight generosity, kindness, self-control, courage, etc... Character qualities that are God's will for all of our lives.

• Share with your child (obviously, in an age-appropriate way) areas of sin that you have struggled with and how you have decided to stop doing things your way and start following the way Jesus has prescribed.

In my opinion, there needs to be a time when your child recognizes that what he wants to do (i.e. punch his brother in the nose) is not what Jesus wants him to do. And in that moment he has to make a decision whether or not he will allow Jesus to be his Master or will he put himself back on the throne of his life. This is the point at which a child can grasp the concept of surrendering his rights and his life to the Lordship of Jesus. 

I will post Part 4 on Wednesday.

How to Lead Your Child to Jesus- Part 2

Yesterday I began a series of posts to provide parents with some helpful principles/practices in leading their children to a relationship with Jesus. Establishing a good understanding of the character of God is key in laying the proper foundation for any spiritual transformation. I listed that as "Step 1", but these steps are more concurrent rather than sequential as these things will all be taking place at the same time.

Step 2: Help your child understand their need for a Savior

In our culture, which has such a strong emphasis on promoting self-esteem and tolerance, parents can feel like they are going to scar their children or squelch their unique identity in providing strong boundaries, firm consequences, a clear instruction on what is okay and not okay. On the contrary, parents do their children a great disservice in allowing the child too much freedom. Children are free to THRIVE in an environment where they know where the boundaries lie and what to expect. There's plenty more to say on that topic, but not in this post...

The most important lesson for a child 0-5 years old to learn is that they are under authority, and you, as their parent, are that authority. That may sound harsh, but take a second to play out in your mind what the consequences will be for them if they don't learn that lesson. They will not respect their teachers in school. They will not respect their boss once they get a job. They may not respect various laws. And they will undoubtedly have trouble accepting spiritual authority.

Your kids need to know that you, as the one who loves them more than anyone else on this earth loves them, will make decisions on their behalf as to what is okay and what is not okay. And out of your love and desire to protect them, you will provide consistent consequences to train them to obey. This mirrors our relationship with our loving Heavenly Father, so our kids are learning how God relates to us by how we relate to them.

The reality is our children will disobey. (Intentionally, frequently, and often with great fervor!) When they disobey, your response is paramount. You certainly do not want to shame a child, but neither do you want to make them immediately feel okay. The goal is for the child to feel remorseful over their sin, to realize that there is a standard and they're not hitting it. They need to experience a sadness regarding their failed attempts to make good choices.

If a child never feels that discrepancy between who they are and who they want (and God wants) them to be, they will never feel their need for a Savior. When you see that remorse in your child's heart, you have the amazing privilege of sharing with them the gift of forgiveness! That kind of forgiveness, when someone feels desperately in need of it, is like healing balm to the soul. They can clearly see that they cannot meet the standard in their own power, no matter how had they try. They are in need of the mercy and forgiveness of a Savior.

So, let's get really practical. How do you get your child to feel remorseful over their sin? By asking heart-probing questions.

Don't just address the sinful behavior, but the heart behind the behavior. Peel back the layers on the motivation behind the choice. Guide your child, through your questions, to discover the sin in their hearts.

Example:
Caedmon threw a roll of packaging tape at Sammy this morning and hit him in the mouth. Our (private) conversation went like this...
Me: "What happened?"
C: "I threw the tape at Sammy."
Me: "Yes, and it hit him in the mouth. Was that kind or unkind?"
C: "Unkind"
Me: "What does the Bible say about the way we're supposed to treat others?"
C: "Do to them what we want them to do to us."
Me: "How would it make you feel if I threw the tape and hit you in the mouth?"
C: "Bad"
Me: "And what else?"
C: "Sad"
Me: "So how do you think it made Sammy feel?"
C: "Bad"

And then we went through the appropriate apologies. Thinking back on it, I could have probed deeper. I could have addressed what he was feeling when he threw the tape (possibly annoyed or angry) and tried to get to the root of that.

There are a couple great books on this. Shepherding A Child's Heart and Don't Make Me Count to Three have been great resources for me.

The bottom line, your precious, adorable, sweet little angel needs to realize that he/she is not perfect! They are under authority and cannot, on their own, live up to the standards set by that authority. They are in need of forgiveness. And most importantly, they are in need of a Savior.

Part 3 of this series coming up next week...

How to Lead Your Child To Jesus- Part 1

In keeping with my theme for the week of sharing our faith, I thought I would share a few ideas for how to share your faith with your child.

For a Christian parent, one of our most important roles in all of life is to lay of strong foundation of faith for our children...teaching them about who God is, what Jesus did for us, and how we fit into that story. Most parents deeply desire for their kids to have a strong relationship with God, but many don't know where to start. The task seems too big and overwhelming, so it gets outsourced to the church. But God's intentions have always been that the family would be the petri dish for faith to grow and flourish.

So, where do we get started? I'm going to break it down into steps for clarity sake, but of course you know that life never breaks down into neat little steps. It's more like a bowl of spaghetti.

Step 1: Establish a good understanding of the Character of God

Our kids have to know WHO GOD IS before they can decide for themselves if they will love Him, trust Him, and obey Him.

How do you do this? Layer by layer.

There are probably a zillion creative ideas out there, but let me just give you a couple simple ones. Get a few age-appropriate children's Bibles and devotional books. I really like this Bible, but there are tons of options out there. It's nice to have a variety. There are also devotional books specifically for boys or girls and focused on certain ages. This is a good website to browse.

Each night before bed, snuggle up together for a few minutes to read a story from one of these books. We may read any variety of books throughout the day, but our kids know that bedtime stories are always going to be from the Bible.

Another very important way our children learn about the Character of God is though our conversations with them. As you are training them, include lessons about God. For example, if your kids are being mean to each other you could explain to them how God wants us to treat others with kindness because He is kind to us. At Christmas we give gifts because God is a generous God who gave us the most special gift of all through Jesus. When we're outside, we can thank God for his beautiful creation because He is the Creator. When your kids are playing make-believe or building something, we can praise their imaginations saying that God is a creative and imaginative God, too!

These two techniques (reading the Bible together & talking about the character of God in everyday life) can be used with ANY AGE! It is very easy to adjust the content to be age appropriate.

The other day, Andy asked our two boys (ages 5 & 3), "What do you think God is like?"

• Caedmon said, "I think He's nice." (the kindness of God) 
• Sammy said, "God loves me!" (the love of God)
• Caedmon added, "And He's really strong, too, Dad." (the power of God)

At BayKids, Sammy learned a song about Jesus being his best friend. All week he walked around singing, "Best friend, best friend, Jesus is my best friend!" Recently Sammy and I were talking about Caedmon and I said, "Do you love Caedmon?" Sammy- "Yeah." Me- "Is Caedmon your best friend?" Sammy- "No! Jesus is my best friend!"

That child can't count to five, doesn't know the color blue from orange, and has only been exposed to English for 18 months. But he knows two things: God loves him, and Jesus is his best friend. I'll take that over numbers and colors any day!