Summer Reading

I always get motivated to read in the summer. Maybe it's because I don't have to think about homeschool so my mind is a little more free. I think this year my motivation is due, at least in part, to pure desperation. I feel like we are reaching a new stage with our parenting and running into some barriers that we don't know how to handle. So, I feel very motivated to put some new tools in my parenting tool belt. Thus, I am devoting my whole summer reading program to parenting books this year! (Exciting, right?)

In case you are also in need of some good parenting books, these are the books that I'm considering reading. I'm sure I won't get to all of them, but I'm going to give it my best effort.

Watch out, kids! Your mom is about to be armed & dangerous!

A Prayer for the Princess

Our family shared a really special moment a couple weeks ago as we formally dedicated Karis back to God. 

At South Bay Church, we celebrate Child Dedication as an opportunity for parents, extended family, and close friends to publicly commit themselves to raising their child in a way that honors God. By no means will perfection be attained, but we vow to live our own lives according to the life-giving model of Scripture and to train our children to do likewise. 

As part of the dedication, each family had a chance to share around the table a special prayer for their child. Many of the parents had written something down to read to their child so that, in years to come, they can show their child the prayer.

I wrote Karis a poem that I wanted to share with you (see below). It will be framed and hang in her room so that we can pray it over her often as she grows.

We had the great joy of having Andy's mom, Marcy, and brother, Jon, with us to celebrate this special evening.

Karis was clearly quite excited about all of this!

Mi corazón.

Dear Daughter of Mine, 

You are the answer to a thousand prayers,

The fulfillment of desire so deep.

My heart dances with joy to watch your face

As you lie in my arms fast asleep.

You’ve done nothing to earn my affection

No mold to which you must conform

This rapturous love bursting out of my heart

Is yours simply because you were born.

You came wrapped in grace and tied up with joy

But you are more than a gift just for me.

You’ll bring grace and joy to the world God loves.

You were born with a sure destiny.

May you be a lover of Jesus

Following hard after the King.

In Him may you find everything that you need.

This world offers no greater thing.

I pray that you love without limits

Seeing others the way Jesus sees

With compassion and grace, believing the best

People are His priority.

I pray that your life sets the standard

Pure of mind and body and heart.

In this crooked and depraved generation

May your purity set up apart.

                

                                                           

 May you be a woman of courage

Not buying in to the Enemy’s lies.

Dare to dream and think big and believe that He can

Your God has an endless supply.

The calling you have will take work to fulfill.

You’ll be tempted to settle for less.

But I pray that you are never content

With anything but God’s very best.

Keep yourself yielded to the Holy Spirit.

May your life overflow with His fruit

His power and anointing will rest on you

As He guides your every pursuit.

May you be secure in who you are.

You’re designed by the Master’s hand.

Uniquely crafted and sealed with His love

As apart of his Sovereign plan.

We will watch with anticipation

Of all God will do with your life

Your Daddy and I are cheering you on

And praying with all our might.

So today, before our family and friends,

We dedicate you back to the Lord.

May Jesus always capture your heart

For He is your great reward.

And her name will be...

Names have always held a lot of significance for Andy & me. When we discovered that our firstborn would be a boy, we immediately began thinking through all sorts of name options. It’s a daunting task-- selecting a name. You feel the weight of labeling another human being for the rest of their lives. Plus, you don’t want your kid to be the one all the other kids make fun of at school because their name rhymes with something horrible! Talk about pressure!

As we prayed for our unborn son, we prayed that God would use him mightily in His Kingdom. We wanted a name that reflected that prayer, so we decided on the name Caedmon (wise warrior) Elliott (near to God). A wise warrior who is near to God is a powerful weapon in the hands of the King!

After over 3 years of infertility, God blessed our home with a beautiful little boy for whom we had prayed a thousand prayers. I deeply resonated with Hannah, in the Bible, who wept and prayed that God would bless her with a child. I also, like Hannah, was committed to dedicate this child wholeheartedly to the Lord. That is why “Samuel” felt like the perfect name for him. After all, Samuel’s mom and I had a lot in common.

Little did we know at the time how deeply significant the meaning of his name would be. Our Samuel (meaning ‘God has heard my prayer’) was given the birth name “Wondimu”, which we kept as his middle name. We thought it was ironic, however, that Wondimu means “brother” and at the time of his birth, Sammy was an only child. How divinely beautiful is it that Samuel Wondimu’s name means, “God has heard my prayer for a brother”! God hears the longings of an orphan’s heart long before he is able to express them.

The journey to the birth of our 3rd child has taken us on dark, winding roads that often left us feeling lost and confused. We knew God had a plan for us, that He loves us completely, and that He is perfectly in control. But the aching in our soul was deep. After  6 years of infertility and losing a baby last November, Andy & I know full-well what a gift a child is. Life is so precious and never to be taken for granted. This baby girl that I now carry is a gift of grace from a merciful God. 

That is why we have selected the name Karis (meaning ‘grace’) Joy for our daughter. God’s grace to us has brought us joy. Indescribably joy. Joy with such anticipation that the sight of her name can bring tears to my eyes. 

She is our gift. Our long awaited gift of joy. 

My sister monogrammed all these beautiful things for Karis!

This is Parenting...

Lately I've been getting up early to go on a long walk before my kids wake up. (My pregnant body seems to appreciate walking a whole lot more than weight lifting and Insanity DVDs. Go figure.) I absolutely love this time. The air is cool. No one is stirring about yet. And I have an amazing view of the whole Silicon Valley. I've been using the time to listen to worship music and pray.

I think about my boys a lot while I'm walking. I think about how the day went yesterday and what we have in store for today. I feel bad about the moments I fussed at one of them over something insignificant and smile as I remember funny comments they said. I pray great big world-changing prayers on their behalf while they sleep peacefully in their beds. And it is amazing to me just how much I love them while I'm out there walking.

Then I get home.

They typically wake up right about the same time I get home and, Folks, sometimes it's not too pretty.

You see, my kids gross me out multiple times a day. They show me lugees on their tongue as I lean down to kiss them. They fart really loud and then ask if I like their new perfume. They put things in their mouths that explain why God gave us white blood cells.

Not only that, but my kids can suck peace out of a room faster than that squirrel ran across my kitchen floor. Andy could have just enjoyed an hour long time alone with God while I basked the serenity of my walk. Peacefulness is radiating throughout our home until that bedroom door crashes open and out they roll. They may kick each other full force in the stomach and then stare blankly at me when the other one starts crying. They snatch toys, they laugh at their own meanness, and gleefully do things to make the other person mad.

On top of this, there is the element of their childishness. They can make a mess in 5 minutes that will take 45 minutes to clean up. They tell jokes that don't make sense and aren't funny but require a pleasant response (over and over and over). They lose library books, break things, and get stains on their brand new clothes. They require the same verbal instructions way more times than I deem necessary and take an excessively long time to do simple tasks. They are opinionated, demanding, and have put me in the category of waitress, maid, and chauffeur.

I began to see a pattern forming. Every morning I would pray these wonderful prayers about who God wants me to be as a mom and what He is shaping in my children's lives. Every morning I would have expectations of peace, joy, and laughter in our family. "Today," I determine, "I will enjoy my kids. They are my gifts from God." But then by the end of breakfast, I'm contemplating escape plans.

What went wrong?

I found myself reflecting on this question as I washed up the breakfast dishes, disgusted with the way the last 30 minutes had just unfolded. And then a thought popped in my head.

"This is parenting."

I like to think of parenting as Bible stories before bedtime, trips to Yogurtland, picnics at the playground, family movie nights, and wrestling matches in the living room. I like the way my children look when they're sleeping or laughing or focused on constructing something out of Legos. I like it when they play independently or peacefully with each other for extended periods of time.

Yes, that's the kind of parenting I signed up for.

But that's not the whole of parenting. Parenting is also rough edges of personalities, awkward quirks that drive you nuts, bad attitudes, lack of gratitude, cleaning up messes, and laundry. Oh, the laundry!

It's the whole kit & caboodle. You can't have one without the other. It is glorious and it is humiliating. It is energizing and it is draining. The same children that make you smile will make you cry, and those who fill up your heart can also break it.

This is parenting.

God is using them to refine us just as He is using us to train them. 

So, if you've ever wondered, "Shouldn't I be enjoying this more? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my kids?" just know, you are not alone. You are a parent, and this is parenting. 

A 21 Day Prayer Journey to Easter

This weekend at South Bay Church, we encouraged our whole church to join in a 21 Day Prayer Journey leading up to Easter Sunday. The South Bay staff put together a booklet that was available for people to take home with a sample prayer for each day.

I thought it would be great to include our kids in this journey as well! So this morning at breakfast, I brought the prayer guide to the table and quickly read today's prayer to myself. It says:

Monday, March 11 - Prayer for God to Quench our Thirst:
Jesus, you said, “Anyone who is thirsty may come to me!” (John 7:37), so today I acknowledge that you are my thirst-quencher.  Help me to hunger and thirst for you more than anything else in my life.  Be my fountain of life.  Be my fulfillment.  Be my strength.  Fill my life with so much of you, that your Presence will overflow out of me touching the lives of everyone I interact with today!

Then I asked the boys if they ever remember a time that they were really thirsty. We talked about how we drink water when we get really thirsty. Then I said, "Did you know that sometimes our hearts get thirsty too? Sometimes we feel like we need more hugs or more kisses or more time with Mom & Dad. That shows that our heart is feeling a little thirsty."

At this point they were fully engaged and alert. Inquisitive eyes on me with a look that said, "Tell us more, Mom! We are right here with you."

Just kidding. Sammy kept asking if he could be all done and Caedmon was twirling 'round and 'round in his chair. Nevertheless, I pressed on.

I said, "Well, the Bible tells us that the ultimate way to quench our thirsty heart is by having Jesus fill up our hearts. The Bible says that He can give us Living Water that satisfies our thirst."

Then I read the prayer phrase by phrase and had them repeat each phrase after me.

I'm pretty confident they understood a whooping 10% of the whole interaction, but, hey, that's better than not having the conversation at all. Layer by layer, I tell ya. Laying a firm foundation!

I want to encourage you to join us in this 21 Day Prayer Journey. Whether you are a part of South Bay Church or not, I believe this journey will help us prepare our hearts for a fresh encounter with God this Easter! I will post the sample prayer of the day here on my blog in case you weren't able to get one of the guides.

Any joiners?

The Heart of the Matter

This morning as I was making breakfast, Sammy probably asked me 12 times if he could help. It's not uncommon for Sammy to want to help and he does so regularly, but this time it felt more like "I-just-need-to-be-close-to-you-right-now-Mommy". So he stirred the oatmeal on the stove and sprinkled it with cinnamon.

I noticed while we were eating that he was very quiet. That is completely out of character for Sammy, especially at the table. He is forever getting "talked to" for his silly antics and loud chatter that occupies his meal times, as opposed to actually eating. But not this morning. This morning he just ate his oatmeal without saying a word while Caedmon and I chatted about the day.

Finally it dawned on me that something wasn't right.

I said, "Sammy, are you okay?"

blank stare into his bowl of oatmeal

"Sammy, are you feeling sick?

shakes head "no"

"Are you sad?"

shakes head "no"

"Is there something that you need Mommy to do for you?"

begins to shake his head "no", but then nods "yes"

"What can Mommy do for you?"

crosses his arms

"A hug? Do you need a hug?"

solemn face. big nod.

He climbed over in my lap, put his head on my shoulder, and there we sat for the next 10 minutes. Not a word was said. Just gently swaying back and forth, filling up a heart that must have leaked all out. After about 10 minutes or so, he slid back into his chair and finished the rest of his breakfast. And he's been back to "normal" ever since.

After breakfast the boys went off to play and I told Andy what had happened. He said, "That's strange. Sammy did the same thing to me this morning. Sat in my lap with his head on my shoulder for at least 10 minutes."

For any of you who know Sammy, you know he is not typically a cuddler. Your'e lucky to get a high five as he sprints by, and you practically have to tackle him to get a hug. He is almost always silly, playful, and on the move. So, for him to spend 20+ minutes of his morning in his mommy & daddy's arms revealed that something was going on his heart.

God used this moment with Sammy to remind me of how very important a parent's role is in listening to his/her child's heart. It would have been so easy to miss the subtle clues that Sammy was giving. I could have been (as I am many mornings) rushing around to clean up the breakfast dishes or checking email on my phone. I thanked God that He gave me eyes to catch this one, and it left me wondering how many others I have missed in the past.

Whether they're toddlers or teenagers, our kids often have a hard time expressing (or even understanding!) what's going on in their hearts. We do them a great service when we are attentive, ask questions, and take the time to show that we deeply care.

Take a moment to think about each of your children...What clues are they trying to pass you? What hidden message is behind their words? What behavior are they showing that is really an outward manifestation of something taking place deep below the surface?

It is so easy to rush through each day, from the first ring of the alarm clock to bedtime routine, and never truly engage the heart. God reminded me this morning to slow down. Prioritize the heart. 

The List

Last April Caedmon was in a bit of a funk. Like everyone else on planet earth, he goes through seasons where he's, well, just not as enjoyable to be around. This was one of those times.

The "funk" had been going on for about 2 weeks and I was absolutely certain that he would snap out of it as soon as my parents arrived for their visit. He did...for about the first 3 hours of their week long visit.

On about day 4 of their visit my mom (who adores Caedmon almost as much as I do!) and I were having a conversation trying to figure out what was going on in that little mind and heart of his. We started trying to identify the strength behind every negative quality that was manifesting itself. Every strength that is pushed too far appears like a weakness. But the reality is there's a strength in there somewhere. A diamond in the rough.

• Instead of manipulative, we deemed Caedmon a good negotiator.
• Instead of demanding, we recognized that Caedmon is bold and has courage to make the ask.
• Instead of picky, we decided that Caedmon is precise.

I wrote down our List in the back of my journal. It started off as a "Remember-You-Do-Love-Your-Child" List, but it soon turned in to a place for me to scribble down qualities that I see in him. Things worth praising and celebrating.

It wasn't long before it dawned on me, "Hey, I need a List for Sammy too!" I guess it hadn't occurred to me at first because perhaps in that season, when I thought of Sammy, I wasn't as desperate for the daily reminder that every child does, in fact, come with strengths. But I started my list for Sammy as well.

I cannot even tell you how many times I have referred back to those two Lists this year. I use them to pray for the boys. I use these Lists to praise specific qualities in them. I marvel at how different the two Lists are. When I notice something new in one of the boys, I make a mental note to jot that down on The List. Today, The Lists are about a page long for each of them...bursting with positive attributes, strengths, and God given gifts.

As we have been leading up to Valentine's Day I felt like I should write love notes to my boys to share with them some SPECIFIC things I love about them. I found some fun little mailboxes in the dollar bin at Target and wrote their names on the side. After they go to sleep, I sneak over to put a little love note in their mailbox and raise the flag. It is highlight of their day to read their "mail". You should see the way their eyes light up as I read them their love letter each day. They stand a little taller. They purposefully try to show me that characteristic all day long. It's been such a gift!



"Dear Sammy, I love how wonderful you are with younger children..."
"Dear Caedmon, One thing I love about you is how brave you are..."
"...you are a fantastic helper..."
"...nothing fills my bucket more than cuddling with you..."

The Bible says:

The tongue has the power of life and death. Proverbs 18:21

May our words breathe life into our homes today!

The Power of a Praying Parent

This post was originally written last June to honor my father on Father's Day and my grandmother on her 95th birthday. I wanted to share it again in the wake of her death as a reminder of the legacy that she passed down to us. By the grace of God, that legacy will live on through me, my children, and my grandchildren. May this story inspire us all to live lives of prayer and intentionality.

I have a rare heritage.

In a society where at least 1/2 of marriages end in divorce and fathers are no where to be found, I come from a long line of godly men & women.

My great-great-grandfather on my dad’s side (Granddaddy Burns) was just a regular guy. He wasn’t a pastor or a missionary or a seminary graduate. But he loved Jesus and he felt compelled that he should pray for his family down to the 6th generation. I’m not exactly sure why he chose the 6th generation or what those prayers sounded like, but those prayers included me, my kids, and my grandkids. Who does that?!

One of his daughters married a man by the last name Bynum. My great-grandfather (Granddaddy Bynum) studied law and was making a fine living as a lawyer. He was actually about to be appointed as the youngest judge in the history of the state of Alabama when he felt God’s call on his life to preach. So he left his career to begin a new one as a Methodist pastor. 

Great-granddaddy Bynum, now grafted into the Burn family prayers and legacy, had five children. One of them was a daughter name Corinne. The blessings and prayers and mercy that Granddaddy Burns had faithfully stored up were being passed down to her. Granddaddy Burns could have never foreseen than Corinne’s husband would not be blessed with the same heritage from which she came. Corinne’s husband, Steve, came from a fatherless home. He had to drop out of school in the 4th grade to help provide for his family when his father left them for another woman. But it seems, in the providence of God, that Granddaddy Burns’ prayers covered Steve too.

Steve (my Granddaddy Cloud) taught himself to read, put himself through Bible College during the Great Depression, and met a beautiful young lady named Corinne who became his partner in life and ministry. Together they served churches in Kentucky, Florida, and South Carolina. Steve preached while Corinne prayed and took baked goods to every family on their street and loved people with the love of Jesus. Never did a plumber or delivery man or hospice nurse come into their home that my grandparents didn’t share with them about the love of Jesus.

Steve & Corinne had a son, who they also named Steve. Steve was born with a fiercely independent and adventurous personality. Growing through his teenage years, Steve was determined that he would be a big, bad sinner despite the countless hours his parents spent on their knees on his behalf. But what Steve didn’t realize at the time is that he had a great grandfather that had also been praying for him, and God doesn’t forget things like that. Try as he may, Steve would always be a “failure” at running from God. The sin would leave him with such emptiness that he finally reached out for God. He couldn’t escape the mercy that was stored up on his behalf. 

When Steve (my dad) gave his life to Jesus at the age of 18, he jumped in with both feet. He became a youth pastor and then a senior pastor and has served God everyday of his life since he was 18 years old. Granddaddy Burns’ prayers that God would raise up preachers to the 6th generation were now being fulfilled to the 3rd generation.

I am apart of the 4th generation.

My husband has been grafted in to the prayers of blessing that Granddaddy Burns prayed on our behalf. 

South Bay Church is here today, in part, because of the prayers of Granddaddy Burns. He played a role in the 297 salvations that we’ve seen at South Bay thus far. Those 297 people will be in heaven one day and I think that perhaps they will each receive a handshake from Granddaddy Burns, who prayed for their pastor and his wife. 

I cannot tell you the comfort it brings me to know that my children and grandchildren are apart of this legacy as well. While I can’t claim with 100% assurance that none of them will be wayward or turn their backs on God, I am confident that God won’t allow them to go down that path without throwing every roadblock in their way. They’ve been marked. They’ve got mercy stored up for them. And they will be absolutely miserable living a life of spiritual poverty when they’ve got so much blessing available to them.  

One man who loved Jesus and was committed to prayer shaped the lineage of his family.

Choosing to Trust

The following is part of a series of posts that will take you on a (very personal) journey with me through the story of our family. If you are just now tuning in, take a minute to start back at the beginning and catch up: 

Post 1: A Journey

Post 2: Love Awakened

Post 3: Hope Deferred

Post 4: Worth the Wait

Post 5: A Longing Fulfilled

Post 6: Faith Tested

I'm going to try to wrap this up in about 3 more posts. Can you hang with me? 

Our time in San Diego felt strange. Not exactly the mixture of emotions we thought we'd be experiencing on this family vacation. We didn't expect to need to research the nearest hospitals every day when we went on an outing just in case we needed to get there quickly. I had envisioned putting the boys to sleep early and then watching movies with Andy while cuddling on the couch and enjoying desserts. We did some of that, but our evenings were also filled with tears pent up from the day, long conversations trying to make sense of everything, and writing down my thoughts as I tried to process through my grief. 

I didn't want to miss this moment with my boys, but I felt like a shell of myself. I'd be fine one minute and then hiding my face from my kids the next to disguise the tears that had suddenly sprung to my eyes. 

There were three different components of what we were walking through: the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual. 

Physically we knew that the actual miscarriage could take place at anytime. Most of the time, a woman's body can do this naturally but my midwife had warned us that there are occasions where you have to go the hospital because of complications. This especially worried Andy so he was constantly checking on me to see how I was feeling physically. It kinda felt like the last week of pregnancy when you know labor could start at any time...we always had a contingency plan of what we'd do if that happened.

Emotionally we were both grieving. It felt like we had lost a child, or at least the hope of a child. This baby was deeply loved and long awaited. The pain ran deep.

I also grieved the loss of a joy-filled pregnancy. There was exuberant joy from every person that we had told that we were pregnant. Our hearts were so full and expectant that it felt impossible to keep the good news to ourselves. As I considered the thought of trying to get pregnant again, I understood that our next pregnancy will likely be received (by us and by others) with much more caution and even fear. Every expectant mom has the reality of miscarriage in the back of her mind. But when you have walked that road, the battle with fear is inevitable. I loved the unreserved excitement I had in sharing my joy with others. I felt like I lost that when I lost this baby.

And, though this may seem unimportant, I also grieved the loss of what I felt like was perfect timing for our family. A late June due date was great for the rhythm of Andy's schedule with his church responsibilities. Fall is always a busy time for the church, and next fall in particular we have already started planning some big things for South Bay. The timing was also great as a homeschooling mom because it provided about 6 weeks to get our feet back under us before needing to think about school. I could totally wrap my mind around a late June birthday...but now it felt like we were completely up in the air again.

Perhaps the most difficult thing to process, however, was the spiritual component of what happened. 

The day I found out I was pregnant, I had imagined God like a parent who just watched their child open the best Christmas gift ever. I imagined him laughing with joy and clapping His hands with delight. Now, as I looked back on that day, I had no idea what God was thinking while He looked on from Heaven. He knew that in 3 weeks time my joy would turn to grief like I'd never experienced. I wondered what He was thinking and feeling as He watched me rejoice. I didn't know what to make of it. One night I said to Andy, "I just can't imagine my earthly father ever doing something to wound me so deeply. How do I received this from my Heavenly Father who loves me perfectly?" 

I knew that it was important to keep filling my mind with truth instead of allowing Satan to fill it with lies. So, before we left on vacation, I grabbed Chip Ingram's book entitled, "God As He Longs For You To See Him". My perspective of God was suddenly very fuzzy and I needed a trusted source to hold my hand and remind me of all the things that the Bible teaches as truth about the character of God. 

I also wanted to be real and honest about all of my questions while still being respectful of God. I don't think that God is at all threatened by our honest questions and He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. He's big enough to handle any emotion that we bring to the table and trying to disguise them is futile since He knows everything about us anyway. 

At the same time, we have to choose if we will come to God humbly or arrogantly. Seeking to understand or demanding answers. For example, one thing I've really struggled with is feeling like this chain of events in my life is cruel and mean spirited. After five and a half years of infertility, why even let us get pregnant only to take it away 7.5 weeks in? It would have been easier emotionally to not even get pregnant. So, I take that to God and lay it at His feet... "Father, to me, what just happened feels cruel. But I know that Your Word says that You are a kind and compassionate Father who loves to give good gifts to His children. How does what happened to me fit into the truth of who You are?"

The concept of prayer also left me with huge questions. Isn't praying for a child in accordance with God's will? He instructs us to "go forth and multiply" and tells us that "children are a blessing from the Lord." Doesn't the Bible promise that "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective"? Didn't Jesus teach that if we ask for anything in His name He would do it? Hadn't we prayed for years for a baby, received the pregnancy with gratitude and thanksgiving, and continued to pray DAILY for the health of this child? What went wrong?

I think anyone who says they have a clear understanding of how prayer works is probably a little crazy. Can we ever truly understand the Almighty? The truth is God does not owe me an explanation. He is God and He may do whatever He chooses. His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways. They are far higher. Far better, and wiser, and more loving than what I can wrap my mind around. He reserves the right to not explain all the why’s of His choices and I have to remind myself that if I could understand everything about God, He would be no God at all. 

Andy, who was also struggling through this concept of prayer, described it like this... sometimes when he presents an idea to our kids, he has already made up his mind that that's the way it's going to be. It is his "will" and nothing that the kids say is going to change his mind. But there are other occasions that the plan is more flexible. He wants to hear their opinions and feedback and will take them into consideration as he makes the final decision. Andy said, "Perhaps, in God's Sovereignty, prayer is kinda like that. We don't know which decisions our prayers can effect and which decisions God has already divinely determined, so we should just pray about everything, always knowing that God has every right to make the final call."

When we live this way, ending every prayer with "not my will but Your's be done", we can rest in the confidence that we serve a Sovereign God who knows the end from the beginning and His plan is always best. This is how we can acknowledge the deep longings of our hearts while reminding ourselves that our deepest longing is for the Lord’s will to be done in our lives. 

One other idea that has helped show me the value of prayer is a quote by Charles Spurgeon: 

“We do not show our trouble to the Lord that He may see it, but that we may see Him. It is for our relief, and not for His information, that we make plain statements concerning our troubles. It does us much good to list our sorrows.” 

So that's kinda where I've landed with it right now. I'll keep pouring out my heart to God...telling Him all that I long for, asking Him all of my unanswered questions, and sifting through my every emotion at the foot of His throne. I'll keep doing that because I believe, in my heart of hearts, that He cares. That He loves me deeply. That He is a kind and compassionate and good Father. That He would not hurt me without cause or withhold from me without preparing something better. And I will remind myself that He is God and I am not. Even when I don't understand, I know that He can be trusted.

Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him. Job 13:15

Mine.

I'm pretty sure the "Mine" stage is a scientifically supported stage of development for children. They all go through it. For some (dare I say "most"?), however, this stage extends far into adulthood and consumes many people's lives. It's not really a stage at all, more of a socially acceptable way of thinking. Most of us, as adults, just learn enough social graces to not shout MINE! at the top of our lungs when someone wants to mess with our stuff. 

We work hard for our stuff. We're not sure others will take care of it if they borrow it. We're not sure there will be enough for us if we share it. 

• It's my house.
• It's my car.
• It's my food.
• It's my computer.
• It's my money.

I might be willing to share a little. But only on my terms and don't ask too much. Because it's mine, remember? Go get your own!

Of course we never say that. But most of us live that way...Painstakingly guarding that which rightfully belongs to us. And nobody around us really notices, because they, of course, are busy protecting what belongs to them. 

While this may be the norm in our culture, it is far from Biblical. The early church shared EVERYTHING. If there was ever someone in need among them, someone else would meet that need, even if that meant they had to go sell a piece of their property to have the money to do it. 

This is something we try to drill into our kids' heads. By our example, by our language, and by our requirements of them. 

Our Example: 

• If Andy is going to be out of town for the week, there is typically someone we know that could benefit from borrowing his car. We're happy to do that.
• When we were blessed to be able to purchase a new vehicle, we gave away our last one. Let me be honest, it was not very nice. Actually the kind of car you feel bad about giving to someone. But it met a need for a little while.
• When we see a need that we have the capacity to meet, we try our best to jump in and do it, even if it comes with personal sacrifice involved.

Our Language:

• When the Mine issue comes up, we often say, "Nothing in this world belongs to us. Everything that we have is a gift from God. He's given us so much so we are happy to share it with others." 
• A shorter phrase that you could hear me say (probably multiple times a day) is, "In our family, we share." It's part of what it means to be a Wood.

Our Requirements of them:

• We're not real big on identifying which toy belongs to which child. Sure, certain toys were given to a certain child for a birthday or Christmas, but once the toy is in the house it is a shared possession. We have guidelines for possessions that could be damaged by a younger sibling, but we don't typically give anyone the authority to say "That's my favorite car. You can't play with it." In our family, we share. 
• Also, an unwillingness to share with friends or siblings is simply not tolerated. It's not something that we're going to have a long, heartfelt discussion over on a counselor's couch. I'm not going to try to coax him into giving another child a turn with the soccer ball by telling him how good it feels to share. No. We share. That's what we do. Whether it feels good or not, it's the right thing to do. 

You know why "Mine" is one of the first words a child can say? Because it's part of our DNA to be selfish. If a newborn could speak, he would say "Mine" right along with the rest of us. To live the way Jesus wants us to live (with open hands instead of clinched fists) we have got to make some very intentional lifestyle choices. 

Generosity brings blessing and joy. Greed brings anxiety and isolation. 

What can you share or give away today?

Them. Not You.

Here's a little tidbit of trivia about me: when I am teaching/speaking somewhere, I am a total one-track mind for about a month prior, and especially the week of. That is why I have only fit in one work out this week and my blog has been a little neglected lately. That is also why I can't think of anything else to write about today besides what I taught about yesterday.

So, here's a little excerpt from my talk. You're welcome.

If I had to boil down my "Mom Anger" to one root cause, it would have to be control. Plain and simple, my kids are either doing something I don't want them to do (whining, burping, sitting on his brother's head, taking off a mannequin's clothes, etc...) OR they're not doing something I want them to do (sleep when I tell them to sleep, eat the food I provide, pick up their toys).

As a mom, it feels like I should be able to control those behaviors. Push this button, pull this string and, Voila! A well-mannered child. We're big and they're little. We should be able to control them, right?

But we all know that that's not how it works so it can feel quite frustrating (maddening) that we can't get our kids to do what we want them to do. [Insert the Wrath-of-Mommy here.]

What I've learned is that I can't control my child's behavior, but I can train him effectively and discipline him consistently.

Training our kids includes two basic steps:
1- clear instruction on what the appropriate behavior looks like
2- consistent consequences to deter them from continuing in the negative behavior

Andy & I have found that the stronger-willed the child, the more creative the consequence must be. A consequence is totally ineffective if the child doesn't mind it. If you put your child in time-out but they sit there with a big grin on their face, time to find a new consequence.

The consequence MUST be unpleasant for them.

That eliminates the need to be angry. I don't have to stomp around and grouch about how they never put their toys away. While I put the toys in jail and my kids sit on the floor crying, I can say with empathy, "Man, that's a bummer that your toys are getting put in toy jail. I bet next time you'll remember to clean them up, huh?"

Secondly, the consequence must be unpleasant for them, NOT YOU. 

Don't take away their 30 minutes of TV time if that is your saving grace while you make dinner. Think of something else that would be equally painful for them, but not ruin your life at the same time.

And last, don't feel the pressure to come up with the consequence immediately.

The older your child gets, the more space there can be between the behavior and the consequence. Sometimes one of my kids will do something that makes me SO mad, but I have no idea what I should do in that moment. All I see is red. Probably the best thing to do in that moment is nothing. Simply say, "What just happened is not okay and you will need a consequence for that. But I'm not sure what I want that consequence to be yet. So I'm going to talk to your dad and we will decide together." Then, make sure you do follow up and administer the consequence later. Just because you've cooled off, don't think, "Oh, it wasn't that big of a deal." If it needed a consequence, you're not doing yourself OR your child any favors by not following through.

Being faithful with clear instruction and consistent consequences gives us a tangible plan to train our children. No need to angrily spin our wheels over bad behavior. Trying to control leads to anger. Effective training leads to progress. 

It's good for the flesh.

This past weekend, our church served at Santa Clara's Art & Wine festival. This is always a special event for our church because, not only is it the largest city event that we help with, it also was our first connection point with the city.

When the Wood, Santos, and Jackson families first moved to the Bay Area in 2008, we served at the Santa Clara Art & Wine festival less than 2 weeks after we arrived (still living out of boxes). With the help of a mission team from one of our partner churches, we hosted a booth, picked up trash, and helped with set up/tear down. People thought we were some big established church but we actually didn't even have a meeting location or a launch team yet!

For the past 4 years, South Bay Church's presence at the Art & Wine Festival has gotten more and more prevalent. As the city has learned that they can trust us, they have asked us to take on more and more responsibility.

This year South Bay Church provided over 250 volunteers to serve at the event. What a statement to our city! This church is here to love and bless our city! We probably had thousands of people stop by our both and 700 of them filled out info cards. Our team is working like crazy to follow up with all 700 people before our "Big Day" this Sunday.

On Sunday afternoon, Andy, the boys, and I were on our way to the festival for our "shift". We were getting there right as the festival ended to help with the massive clean up effort. Caedmon was (dramatically) disappointed when he realized that the festival was over. I guess kettle corn and carnival rides sounded a lot better to him then picking up trash. Go figure.

Our 3 year old Sammy, who could have fun doing ANYTHING, interrupted Caedmon's melt down by saying matter-of-factly, "Caedmon, we're here to help." Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

I said to Andy, "Serving is so good for the flesh."

Walk by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh. Galatians 5:16-17

• My flesh would rather stay home and sit on my couch then go and serve. 
• My flesh would rather be grumpy or think about all the difficult things in my life instead of choosing joy. 
• My flesh would rather speak harshly to a disobedient child than to gently instruct and train him. 

Our flesh needs a constant reminder that we don't live for it anymore! We live for the Spirit and have crucified the flesh.

Whether we are training our kids to be selfless or training ourselves, we all need to give ourselves ample opportunities to beat down the flesh so the Spirit can rise up in us and fill us with LIFE!

• Serve someone in secret. 
• Give some money to a good cause that you would rather spend on yourself. 
• Invest time in a relationship instead of focusing solely on your 'to-do' list. 

After all, it's good for the flesh!

Not so "Holier Than Thou"

Something bizarre happened on Saturday morning. It hasn't happened to me since I became a mom 6 years ago. What was it?

I woke up in my own house all alone.

Andy had taken the boys on a boys-only overnight camping trip and wouldn't be home until about 2:30 that afternoon.

So I slept until I wanted to get up.
I worked out without being nervous that the boys would wake up in the middle of it.
I watered my plants.
I took a shower.
I ate breakfast.

And, then, about halfway through breakfast I realized that I had not said a word all morning. I had been awake for several hours and it was still quiet. Weird.

I read my Bible.
I started cleaning the kitchen.
I realized I was kinda enjoying cleaning the kitchen.
I made myself a healthy lunch and no one complained about what was served. It was just me!

While I sat there (in silence) eating my lunch, I had the thought, "It's a lot easier to be 'holy' when no one is messing with me! I don't think I've sinned all day!"

Sometimes as a mom I get discouraged because I see so many shortcomings in myself. I get impatient or angry or anxious about trivial things. I say things or use a tone of voice that does not build others up. I fight the selfishness that constantly tries to sneak it's way in my heart. Sometimes, I'm just plain grumpy.

When I see all these sin tendencies in myself, I wonder where I got off course. Pre-kids, pre-marriage, I think I used to feel much more "holy" than I do on the average day now.

But that's just it...I used to feel holy. It doesn't mean the junk wasn't in there; it just wasn't being exposed.

God uses our children (or spouses or roommates or people we relate to very closely) to draw out of us the sin that is deep in our hearts. It is part of His refining process. Often it's those times that we feel least 'holy' that He is hard at work developing holiness in us.

So the next time one of your Littles does something that brings you right to the edge of losing your mind, think to yourself, "God is developing holiness in me." Lean into it. Learn from it.

Because feeling holy and being holy are two very different things. 

Today, You Are 6.

Dear Caedmon,

I woke up to a strangely quiet house this morning. You are with Sammy & Daddy on your first ever camping trip! Today 5 dads and 7 sons woke up in tents at who knows what time. You were so excited.

All morning I've been thinking about you and about what this day was like for me 6 years ago. I think it may have been the happiest day of my life. You made me a mother for the first time.

You were born at the perfect time of year...right as summer heat gives way to the crispness of fall. You and I didn't get a whole lot accomplished during those first few months of your life. But we enjoyed a lot of stroller rides and hours of swinging in the hammock on our front porch. You had won my heart, and I was bound and determined to win yours too.

You have been my side-kick and constant companion for the past 6 years. You said to me the other day, "Mom, you spend more time with me than anyone else in the world. Even more than Sammy because Sammy takes a nap." It's true. And I feel like it's time well-spent.

I have loved 5-years-old. Your wit and humor cracks me up. I think it's particularly great now that you catch on to the humor of a situation. Even when Sammy is still too young to understand, you and I laugh together and it reminds me of just how grown up you are. It also reminds me that if, by the grace of God, we train you well during these younger years, our friendship with you will grow stronger and stronger as you get older and are more able to reciprocate friendship. That aspect of parenthood is so wonderful to me.

Caedmon, you are a clever child. Sometimes I find myself in the middle of a situation that you have carefully crafted for your own benefit and I wonder to myself, "How did this just happen and how do I get myself out of it?" You always seem to have a clear idea of what it is you want and somehow you have acquired the skill set to intuitively arrange circumstances and persuade people in order to make it happen. Your logic and reasoning are hard to get around.

The untrained version of that skill set is manipulation. That's the raw, unfiltered material that we're working with right now. (Like when I overhear you trying to convince Sammy which TV show he should pick on his day to choose.) But, your Daddy and I see in you the ability to use those strengths for a mighty impact in the Kingdom of God. No longer manipulative, but persuasive. No longer demanding for you own gain, but focused and determined for God's glory. There is boundless potential for God to use that clever mind of yours if you will surrender it whole-heartedly to Him!

This past year you have had your tonsils removed, started homeschool, and (best of all!) indicated for the first time a desire to follow Jesus. You have learned to read, bought your first skateboard with your own money, and probably ate over 300 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You asked more questions than I had answers and required more patience than I was able, at times, to muster up.

You still like to hold my hand. You still love to snuggle on the couch. Your sweet face still melts my heart.

Here's a little secret just between us...one of the main reasons I chose to homeschool was that I just wasn't ready to let you go yet. When you were a toddler and the days felt never-ending, I thought I would throw a party the day I could drop you off at school. But as that mile stone grew closer, I decided that I'd like to extend early childhood just a little bit longer. You are growing up and learning so much so quickly. By no means am I trying to slow that down. I just want you to do that by my side for a little while longer.

I have no idea what year 6 will hold, but I want to savor it. Even in the midst of bad attitudes and long days, I want to remember that it is one of the greatest privileges of my life that I get to be a mom. And not just any mom. I am the mom to Caedmon Elliott Wood. And that Caedmon, he's a special kid.

I love you always,
Mommy

Simplifying Parenthood

At times parenting came seem so mind-boggling and confusing. There are a million different parenting philosophies, each with a book and some scientific research to make it sound convincing. With all of this conflicting advice, it's no wonder that many parents feel discouraged and defeated.

We like it simple around here, so in the Wood household, our kids only have two rules. Caedmon can spout them off whenever we ask and Sammy, well, he's workin' on it...

If you ask Caedmon, "What are the two things that you are responsible for as a child?" he will say, "Honor & Obey." How's that for keeping it simple? Two rules. Two words. All-inclusive. Straight from the Bible.

Honor your father and mother. Exodus 20:12

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

The working out of those two rules takes a lot of training, a lot of patience, and a lot of conversations. But if honoring and obeying their parents becomes the rhythm of their lives then, according to God, their childhood has been a huge success!

What does it look like practically? (please note, we do not always achieve this standard but it is what is expected and it's what we shoot for.)

• When I call one of the kids, he should respond with, "Yes, ma'm?" instead of "What?"
• When I give an instruction, the first words out of his mouth should be, "Yes, ma'm." If he would like to ask "Why?" or make an appeal he may do so after he has said "Yes, ma'm" and is already beginning to obey.
• Honor/Respect includes the child's attitude. So we address haughty hearts, stomping feet, slamming doors, grumpy faces, and tone of voice. 
• Obedience is to occur immediately after the instruction is given. Delayed obedience is disobedience.

The single-most important lesson that a child needs to learn from 0-5 years old is that he/she is under authority. 

The reality is that we are all under some form of authority for our entire lives. Students are under the authority of teachers. Employees are under employers. CEO's are under the authority of the Board of Directors. Citizens are under the authority of the government. Wives are under the authority of our husbands. And we are all under the authority of God. If the question of authority is established early in their minds, children will thrive within the boundaries established for them instead of always trying to buck the authority over them.

Even within the church, it is common to see adults with major authority issues. They have such a hard time submitting to the vision and leadership of the pastors and try to vie for control. 

Authority struggles can be a life-long battle, but they don't have to be. We can give them a huge gift as their parents to teach them how to respond to authority when they are young. 

The word "authority" reads so harshly...like a cruel task-master standing over you with a whip. But that's not the type of authority that God is, and it's not the type of authority that we should be for our children. As parents, we are the tender-hearted, grace-giving, cheerleading, wisdom-imparting, love-lavishing, joke-telling, benevolent authority that train our children in the way they should go. 

Administration of authority should be gentle, but there should be no question in anyone's mind who is in charge.

We train them to honor & obey because we know that that is how life works best. The Bible attaches a promise to that commandment for children to "honor your father and mother..." 

"...so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

What a joy it is for any parent to see things "go well" for their child! It all starts with us teaching them to honor and obey.

"Gotcha Day" Celebration

We celebrated Sammy's 2nd annual "Gotcha Day" this past Saturday. "Gotcha Day" is the day that Sammy officially came into our custody and became a member of the Wood Family. What a moment that was!

Every year on this day we will celebrate the gift of Samuel Wondimu Wood and remember how blessed we are that God brought us together.

This year we celebrated by going to Walia Ethiopian Restaurant with the Santos family. It made the evening so much more special to have such dear friends (who are also lovers of adoption) with whom to celebrate it.

Brothers. 

The Ethiopians who were at the restaurant (some working and some dining) were fascinated 

by Sammy and our adoption story. One man was so touched by it that, as a gesture of 

kindness, he bought our table a bottle of authentic Ethiopian honey wine.  

They might as well be siblings. These kiddos love each other so much and have been 

together pretty much since day one.  

In honor of our trip to Tutti Frutti to get frozen yogurt, we had an impromptu dance party to 

the tune of "Rutti tutti fresh and fruity, watch (Sammy) shake his booty." Does anyone else 

make their kids dance for food on occasion? I get such a kick out of it!

The yogurt received high approval ratings. 

Silly Sammy. The much loved, much celebrated, much accepted child.

All day long Andy kept asking Sammy, "Who are we celebrating tonight?" To which Sammy would respond with all kinds of enthusiasm, "ME!!!" Earlier today I heard Sammy say to no one in particular, "Who loves Sammy? Mommy & Daddy love Sammy! YAY!" The journey of adoption is, among other things, the miraculous interweaving of hearts and lives in the beautiful making of a family. Thank you, Jesus, for the precious gift of Sammy.