Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Not so "Holier Than Thou"

Something bizarre happened on Saturday morning. It hasn't happened to me since I became a mom 6 years ago. What was it?

I woke up in my own house all alone.

Andy had taken the boys on a boys-only overnight camping trip and wouldn't be home until about 2:30 that afternoon.

So I slept until I wanted to get up.
I worked out without being nervous that the boys would wake up in the middle of it.
I watered my plants.
I took a shower.
I ate breakfast.

And, then, about halfway through breakfast I realized that I had not said a word all morning. I had been awake for several hours and it was still quiet. Weird.

I read my Bible.
I started cleaning the kitchen.
I realized I was kinda enjoying cleaning the kitchen.
I made myself a healthy lunch and no one complained about what was served. It was just me!

While I sat there (in silence) eating my lunch, I had the thought, "It's a lot easier to be 'holy' when no one is messing with me! I don't think I've sinned all day!"

Sometimes as a mom I get discouraged because I see so many shortcomings in myself. I get impatient or angry or anxious about trivial things. I say things or use a tone of voice that does not build others up. I fight the selfishness that constantly tries to sneak it's way in my heart. Sometimes, I'm just plain grumpy.

When I see all these sin tendencies in myself, I wonder where I got off course. Pre-kids, pre-marriage, I think I used to feel much more "holy" than I do on the average day now.

But that's just it...I used to feel holy. It doesn't mean the junk wasn't in there; it just wasn't being exposed.

God uses our children (or spouses or roommates or people we relate to very closely) to draw out of us the sin that is deep in our hearts. It is part of His refining process. Often it's those times that we feel least 'holy' that He is hard at work developing holiness in us.

So the next time one of your Littles does something that brings you right to the edge of losing your mind, think to yourself, "God is developing holiness in me." Lean into it. Learn from it.

Because feeling holy and being holy are two very different things. 

1 comment:

Jane in TX said...

Beautifully expressed & so very true.