On Motherhood

I love kids, always have. I started babysitting when I was in 6th grade and have been taking care of kids in some form or fashion ever since. I even majored in Early Childhood Education and taught kindergarten for a couple of years. My most recent adventure involving children has been launching BayKids, the children’s ministry of South Bay Church.

Before having Caedmon, kids were pretty much equal in my eyes. There may have been some that I was naturally more drawn to than others, but overall there wasn’t that big of a difference.

But now. Now there is an infinite difference between the way I feel about Caedmon versus any other child on this planet. Every time I look at Caedmon’s face my heart melts. I think he is the most adorable and endearing child in the world. I cannot keep myself from kissing him hundreds of times a day. Just the thought of him brings such intense emotions to me heart. My mind is filled with a million snapshots of memories that we have, many that no one else will ever know because they were shared just between us. Memories so mundane, and yet at the same time, sacred.

People who don’t have kids can’t understand this. They just see them pitching a fit in Target or throwing their food at a restaurant and feel thankful that their lives aren’t complicated by children. But they don’t know what it’s like to go in that same child’s room at night and watch him sleep. To rest your hand on his chest and feel that little heart pumping life through his body. To put your cheek up against his and feel the rhythmic breathing on your skin. They don’t know what it’s like to snuggle on the couch or to understand what he’s trying to communicate when no one else can. They don’t know what it’s like to have that child prefer you to anyone else in the world…to know that the sound of your voice and the touch of your hand have the power to calm that child’s every fear and relieve any pain.

Children are a gift from the Lord. Expensive little gifts. Lots of assembly is required. But one of the very best gifts anyone could ever receive. Motherhood, perhaps more than any other single experience in my life, has unleashed a capacity to love and feel deeply that I never knew was possible.