Monday, February 21, 2011

Monday Matrimony

(If you've not yet signed up for the 300th post giveaway, click here to do so. The giveaway will close on Friday at midnight PST.)

And now for your weekly bit of (unsolicited) advice...

Tip of the Week: 15 minutes and everyone's happier

This piece of advice comes from the amazing Christine Caine, although I'm not even sure if she'd remember saying it. I remember it, though, because when she said it I laughed really hard and thought it was such an insightful piece of advice. Here's what it means...

It is a well known fact that (most) men tend to have a stronger sex drive than (most) women. Andy came up with a great analogy a while back. One night when we were brushing our teeth Andy said, "I think you sometimes feel about sex the way I feel about brushing my teeth." It was a valid perspective. My man begrudges getting ready for bed (i.e. washing his face, brushing his teeth, etc...). When he's ready to go to bed, he just wants to go to bed. That other stuff is just slowing him down. It's not that he doesn't want clean teeth, fresh breath, and good oral hygiene; it's just he's tired and brushing his teeth is the barrier standing in between him and going to sleep.

Women can sometimes feel this way about sex. It's not that we don't want a good sex life or value the significant role it plays in our marriage. It's just that, at the end of a long day, it's the "barrier" that stands between us and getting a good night's rest.

I truly hope that this is not the way you feel about sex every time, but if it's true that a man's sex drive is stronger than a woman's (and I'm pretty sure that's true!) then there will be times when your husband wants to have sex and you're just not feelin' it. That's when this tip comes into play: 15 minutes and everyone's happier!

Women tend to make "sex" this huge barrier with a million excuses..."we haven't connected emotionally, I'm so tired, I've had kids hanging on me all day, yadda, yadda, yadda..." Christine was saying that we have to shrink the barrier in our minds. She said, "Come on, girls! It's really NOT that big of a deal. 15 minutes and everyone's happier!"

When you put this piece of advice into action, you can go to sleep without the guilt of denying your husband (and in the process likely sinning against him, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5) and your husband can go to sleep happy because...well, I think that's obvious! :-)

6 comments:

Ethiopia here we come! said...

SO TRUE!!! Plus, if you really think about it, sometimes it's easier (and will get you to your good nights sleep faster) to have sex, rather than "discussing" for 15, 30, or more minutes over why you are "just not feeling it tonight!"

Stephanie said...

What a great post! Thanks, Stacie. Something that I find that helps me is to pray that the Lord would change my heart to want to desire this time with my husband, and to focus on pleasing him instead of me. It has been such a blessing to see how He has worked through this one aspect in our marriage to draw us closer to each other. :)

Mary said...

Ah, this reminds me of the sermon by Mark Driscoll you had me listen too several years back!

Stacie said...

Mary Lu,
Funny you mention that. I gave that podcast "Good Sex, Bad Sex" to all the South Bay staff girls and to one other friend this week. LOVE that sermon!

Andy Wood said...

i think there is a lot of wisdom in this post!

Stacie said...

You Would, Andy. ;-)