Monday, February 28, 2011

Monday Matrimony

Your weekly bit of [unsolicited] advice...

Tip of the Week: More or Less

This tip requires a little courage. Especially if you're a perfectionist like me who feels totally deflated when you realize that everything you do is not perfect and (gasp) someone might actually be upset with you. But if you're willing to get over yourself and maybe take a small hit to the pride, this tip can serve you (and your marriage) well.

Here's what you do: when you and your spouse have a few minutes for a good conversation, ask the following two questions:
  1. What do you need more of from me in our marriage?
  2. What do you need less of from me in our marriage?
Simple enough, right? But actually getting those words to come out of your mouth can feel oh so intimidating because you have no idea what is going to come back at you. You may have just unleashed the floodgates of bitterness that your spouse has been holding in...You may have just given them full permission to rip you to shreds. At least, that was my fear.

However, I was pleasantly surprised that Andy was completely gracious with me and actually much easier on me than I would have expected.

But regardless, even if a lot of bad things do come out, wouldn't you rather know? I mean, probably not in that moment, but when you step back to think about it...What if your spouse does carry bitterness or resentment toward you over some issue, big or small? Let's get it on the table, People! Let's have the courage it takes to get to the root issues behind the frustrations and enjoy the deeper intimacy that will result on the other side.

So, sometime over the next 7 days, find the time to ask your spouse these two questions. I dare you!

1 comment:

Adrienne said...

Great tip Stacie and I agree all spouses should have this conversation regularly (despite how scary it might be to be so honest and vulnerable!). I find myself having the opposite problem where I'm TOO open with letting the hubby know what I'd like more and less of. God is still teaching me how to approach this discussion lovingly with the intent to encourage him and edify our marriage...instead of being selfish about it. With
God's help, I'm learning! =)