Praying for your kids

Last night as I was falling asleep, I kept getting tickled as I thought about my moment of insanity yesterday. I kept laughing but was trying not to laugh out loud because Andy was falling asleep. So I just laid there shaking like a little kid who's trying not to laugh out loud in church. Oh, thank you, Jesus, for times when we can laugh at ourself!

This morning I was reading a book called Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. Great book, even if you're a busy mom who only gets to read about a page and a half per sitting. Well, the page and a half I read this morning hit me right between the eyeballs.

Thomas wrote that, as parents, most of our prayers for our kids tend to fall into two categories: "God, protect them." and "God, change them." In essence, God please keep them alive because we'd like to have them around for a while, but we don't really want them quite the way that they are. Guilty as charged.

It's not that we shouldn't pray for those things for our children, but if we ONLY pray those things for our children our prayers can fall into a negative thought pattern. The first prayer for protection can lead us down a path of fear. The second prayer for change can lead us down a path of negativity and a critical spirit.

So, Thomas suggested adding a third type of prayer. The prayer of thanksgiving. By continually thanking God for very specific qualities we see in our children and for the ways we see Him at work in their hearts, it makes us enjoy and appreciate our kids more. We see anew what a privilege it is to be their parents instead of allowing it to feel like a burden.

I loved this quote:

I want my children to think of me as their chief encourager, apart from the Holy Spirit. I desire that, regardless of how the world receives them, they will know that at least two people-- their mother and father-- will always delight in them. I pray that they believe without a single doubt that raising them has been one of the greatest blessings God could ever have given us.

Father, forgive me for ever making my children feel like they are a burden or a nuisance. May the attitude that I have toward them been one of delight, joy, and gratitude!

I temporarily lost my mind...

Today as I was picking up Caedmon from preschool, I lingered for a few minutes (as I normally do) to chat with his teachers and other parents. Sammy & Caedmon tend to play around the room or at my feet as we slowly make our way back to the car. When it was time to leave I grabbed Caedmon by the hand and looked around for Sammy.

I called, "Sammy, time to go, buddy!"
No response.
I glanced back in the room to find him, thinking he was probably right behind me. Nope.
I casually say to the crowd of surrounding parents, "I'm missing a kid."
I looked around outside the classroom by the tree where they often play. Nope.
Now, in a rather loud voice, "Has anyone seen Sammy?"

Right before that moment of panic where you think your child might be lost kicked in, Caedmon's teacher graciously pointed out that I was, in fact, HOLDING SAMMY!

5 Years Too Long

In his sermons, Andy frequently refers to the time we lived in Texas for "five years too long." Realizing that some of our friends from Texas listen to his podcasts and read this blog, I felt like a little clarification was in order.

Yesterday I sat down to write this post. However, I worked on it for over an hour and then finally gave up. I came to realize that the story is so long and involved that it's like writing chapters for a book, not posts for a blog. I couldn't figure out how to break it down into blog-sized-pieces. 

So, here's just a snippet...and maybe one day I'll get around to that book! :-)

Andy & I got married in May '03 at the ripe ol' age of 21 years dumb. I had just (like 7 days prior) graduated from college and neither one of us had ever lived on our own. Andy was slightly more independent than me, but I had never paid a bill, never planned a week's worth of meals, and never experienced what it means to have "insufficient funds".

Three months later, we moved 1,000 miles away from any family with stars in our eyes as big and bright as those deep in the heart of Texas. Our [naive] plan was to both attend seminary full-time, both work part-time, and live on love in the meantime.

About one month in (when all the bills started arriving and the first round of papers were coming due), reality hit me across the face with a two by four. That's also about the same time that our pastor (John Worcester) approached us about the idea of starting a student church with Andy as the lead planter.

The idea of starting a church in seminary had honestly never crossed our minds. Andy and I were rather unlikely candidates for church planters as we were 22 years old, just started seminary, had only been married for 5 months, and had lived in Texas for about 5 minutes. We thought that we would get involved in a church plant and hopefully receive some training under John Worcester (a church planting genius), and then we dreamed of planting a church after seminary somewhere out West. We had even made a commitment to each other that we wouldn't get heavily involved in ministry for six months so that we could just get adjusted to married life. But there we were, one month in, and already considering STARTING A CHURCH! Not volunteering to be a greeter or help out with the kids program. Starting a church! (I'm not sure if that's comical or sad!) 

We set aside two weeks to pray and asked several of our family members and mentors to pray with us. Honestly, the thought of turning down an opportunity to be coached by John Worcester felt akin to Timothy turning down the Apostle Paul. At the end of the two weeks, Andy and I signed on for the ride of our lives. There was no way that we could have understood at that time how this experience would define our lives and ministry. 

During our time in Texas, God grew us, shaped our character, and stretched our capacity far beyond how far we thought we could stretch. To say it was an uncomfortable season would be the understatement of a lifetime. We were taking graduate level courses in Character School.

The reality is that no one can truly understand all the ways God has blessed South Bay without understanding our time in Texas.

Texas prepared us for all that He had in store for our future. If we had not had our Texas experience, there's no way that South Bay would be what it is today...and what it will be in the future.

So, are we thankful for our time in Texas? Absolutely. Beyond words. Did God change many lives and use the ministry of Breakthrough Church to impact UTA? There's no doubt. Do we still maintain some precious friendships and relationships that we developed during that time? Yep.

But there were so many things about that season that felt like death to me. And thus we tend to refer to that season as "5 years too long".

Melt my heart, why don't ya?

I found out yesterday that Caedmon's preschool has a field trip on Thursday. Not sure if this was a last minute trip or if I just somehow missed the memo, but I had already made plans for myself and wasn't going to be able to go. I haven't missed a field trip all year, so I was a little bummed to miss out but honestly didn't think much of it.




Then, this morning Caedmon said to me, "Mom, are you going to take me to my field trip on Thursday?"
Me: "I'm sorry, buddy. I have a meeting so I won't be able to come."
C: "But, Maaaa-om, who will take me? Somebody else's mommy will have to drive me!"

.........long pause.........

Me: "Okay, bud. I'll reschedule my plans!"

He is soooo worth it! I can still to this day remember my mom doing something like this for me on multiple occasions. It made a big impression on me about her priorities. I never want my kids to doubt where my priorities lie. 

And thank you, Diana, for being so understanding. We'll reschedule soon!

Monday Matrimony

And now for your weekly bit of [unsolicited] advice...

Tip of the Week: Conquer negativity with GRATITUDE

I believe this is a principle that can be applied to all of life, but let's think about it specifically in the context of marriage today.

A few years ago our family was going through a stressful time with a lot of transitions. We had just sold our house in Texas and were living with a friend for a few weeks before leaving Texas. During that time period, we had everything we were going to live on for the next 4 months (that's 1/3 of a year, People!) packed in our four door sedan. Andy preached his final sermon at our church with some heart wrenching goodbyes, he graduated from seminary, and we were launching into a summer of full-time support raising for South Bay Church. It was a lot to process.

I remember feeling a ton of different emotions during this time...some of them being quite negative and often expressing themselves through frustration with Andy. To combat this, I decided that I would write Andy a brief note each day for a month to tell him something that I appreciate about him. I can't remember if I made it a full month or not, but I do know that it helped my attitude and it encouraged him a lot in the process.

That idea might sound overwhelming to you. Who has the time to write someone a letter for 30 straight days? Don't think letter. Think note. Like index card sized. And think only 2 or 3 sentences. All you have to do is think of one attribute that you appreciate or admire in your spouse, jot it down, and give it to him.

You might choose to do it for one day or one month. But whatever you choose, choose GRATITUDE instead of choosing NEGATIVITY. It really is our choice what we focus on.

Family Fun Fridays

Fridays are typically Andy's day off so we call them our Family Fun Fridays. Last week we went to my favorite park that I've found out here in the Bay Area. Gorgeous weather, beautiful scenery, and lots of fresh air. While Caedmon & Andy went for a bike ride, I did a little photo shoot of Sammy playing at the playground.

I try to never take for granted how beautiful it is where we live. 

I feel so blessed. Mountains surrounding the valley, trees, 

blue skies, and lots of sunshine. 

(ironically, it's raining as I type this!)

And, to prove that Caedmon was a valuable part of this 

family outing, I snapped a few pictures of him too!

Stolen Post: Top O' The Morning

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Lads! Caedmon was asking me this morning what St. Patrick's Day was all about and I honestly wasn't sure how it got started. Then I came across this post from another blog that I follow and thought it was awesome. So, here's my stolen post:

A few little known facts about St. Patrick:

1) He wasn't a beer drinking leprechaun like most images suggest.

2) He wasn't Irish.

He was actually a Romano-Briton. Meaning, he was British. At the age of 16 he was taken as a slave by Irish raiders. He remained a slave for 6 years until he escaped and returned home. As an adult the came to know Christ and even became ordained as a bishop. Here is the power of Christ in this story: He then decided to return as a missionary to the very people that had enslaved him.

Christ, be with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit, Christ where I arise,
Christ in the heart of every one who thinks of me, Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

Salvation is of the Lord,
Salvation is of the Christ. 
May your salvation, O Lord, be ever with us. 

- St. Patrick

You should check out Jennifer's blog as it is very entertaining. A friend recommended it to me because she adopted a little boy from Ethiopia a couple months before we got Sammy home and now, lo and behold, I have fallen in love with her whole family!

Caedmon's Big Purchase

Caedmon has been saving his money for months now and finally had a grand total of $20.80...just enough to buy that Pillow Pet he's had his heart set on. Today was the big day that I took him to the mall to let him pick one out. He chose a shark. Caedmon was absolutely thrilled and I couldn't have been happier for him! That took a lot of patience and diligence to earn all the money and wait so long to get what he really wanted. Delayed gratification, People! Teach 'em young!!! :-)

Caedmon's special pillow up to this point was the Cars pillow that Sammy is holding. We gave him that one a couple years ago. He knew that Sammy would be inheriting that pillow when he got his Pillow Pet, but he tried to pull a fast one on me. Caedmon said, "Mommy, Sammy can buy the Cars pillow from me for $3.00." Bahahaha! Um, no...you will be giving that to him as a gift! That sounds mysteriously like something my brother would have said when he was Caedmon's age! Maybe Caedmon will grow up to have the business sense that his Uncle Teve has!

She's Gonna Blow!

When my sister gave me this book as a gift a couple years back, I laughed when I read the title: "She's Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger". If my sister hadn't been the one who gave it to me I might have been slightly offended. But she excused it away by saying that she had a chance to meet the author and got an autographed copy for me. Well, okay then. As long as you really don't think that I NEED this...

Well, I am here to say (and hopefully give some of you the freedom to say) I do need this book!

I stuck this book on my shelf for a while knowing that I had times of frustration and perhaps even moments of "seeing red", but all-in-all I didn't feel like this was my issue. In fact, I've always thought of myself as having a pretty long wick. And then I had two kids...

The past 7 months for me have been like a disgustingly long look at the junk in my heart that I never even knew was there. God has me on an extreme character development plan right now. I have memorized Scripture, read 3 parenting books, spent time in prayer, and confided in my husband/close friends. While this process has been quite painful (and there are many days that I feel like I'm losing the battle) I know that God is transforming my heart to hopefully make me a little more like Jesus.

This book by Julie Barnhill was refreshing, funny, insightful, and convicting. It was amazing to read so many stories of other moms who struggle with the exact same things that I do. I would highly recommend this book if you are a weary mom in need of a little encouragement.

Hang in there, Warrior Princess! God is using you to raise the next generation of warriors in His Kingdom!

 ³ Children are a heritage from the LORD,
   offspring a reward from him.
⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
   are children born in one’s youth.

Psalm 127:3-4

Monday Matrimony

Your weekly bit of [unsolicited] advice...

Tip of the Week: Schedule consistent, intentional alone time

Anyone who knows the Wood family knows that Date Nights are a high value around here. I am of the belief that the words "Date Night" should always be in capital letters because it is a proper (and perhaps even sacred) noun. I am forever trying to "sell" my friends, couples at South Bay, and virtually anyone who will listen on the idea of having a consistent Date Night. It doesn't seem like it would be a very difficult thing to sell. But, I've found there are a lot of excuses floating around out there. Here's some common excuses and my 2 cents on each...

     1- "We don't have a babysitter. (or) Babysitters are so expensive."
Find another couple who you trust and flip flop babysitting with them. They don't even have to be your very best friends nor does it have to be the same couple every time. Look around at your church, in your Life Group, other families from your kids' school or sports team. If you look hard enough, I'm sure God will provide some type of solution for you. This provide free & guilt-free babysitting because you know you're going to return the favor.

     2- "We don't have extra money to go out on dates."
Plan a $10 date night or try one for free like my friend, Mary Lu did. Ask for gift cards to restaurants as birthday/Christmas presents that you can enjoy on Date Nights. Put a line item in your budget called Date Night. Even if you just walk through the park or snuggle on your couch while watching a movie, time alone together is good!

     3- "We feel bad leaving our kids. We'd rather spend time as a family."
Your kids NEED to see you spending time alone with your spouse. I cannot emphasize this enough! There is something subconscious that happens in the mind of child when they see their parents prioritizing their marriage. It gives them a true sense of security knowing that Mommy & Daddy love each other. If they feel like they are the center of the family or that they are able to drive a wedge in between Mom & Dad, it creates insecurity in them because somehow they know that is not the way things are intended to be. They may pitch a fit at first, but when Date Night becomes an expected part of their routine they don't even question it anymore.

     4- "We're just too busy right now."
We are ALL too busy right now. Get out in front of yourself. Get it on the calendar. And say "No" to something else, not your marriage!

     5- "We're always together. Why would we need to schedule a Date Night?"
There is something special about knowing that this is our night to focus on each other and our marriage. We're not just stopping by a restaurant because we don't want to cook. We're planning this and looking forward to it. One of my friends said to me after going out on a date with her husband for the first time in a long time, "Now I remember why I like him." Isn't that so true? In the hustle and bustle of life, we tend to co-habitate and become very 'functional' in our roles. Date Night reminds us that there is a love relationship and the attraction level is heightened.

I would love to hear if you and your spouse have a regular Date Night (or if you are starting one)! Post a comment to let us all know if you have any creative or inexpensive date ideas.

Bye, Bye Training Wheels!

Yesterday I was having one of those In Parenthesis kind of days. My parenthetical clause began about 2:00 when Sammy decided he was not going to take a nap and ended shortly after 5:00 when I was about to lose my mind and ordered everyone to put on their shoes because we were going outside.

"But I don't waaaaaant to go outside."
"Too bad. Mommy's losing it. We're all going outside!"

And I am so happy we did because Caedmon absolutely made my day  week  month by finally figuring out how to ride his bike without training wheels! I tell you, it was like watching him take his first steps! I'm not sure who was more excited: me or him. Check this out...

No Training Wheels! from Stacie Wood on Vimeo.

(Please note, Caedmon is wearing his Spiderman costume which

is absolutely classic to really capture his stage of life right now!)

We took Caedmon's training wheels off several months ago and he has been practicing pretty regularly since then. It was tough at first. I remember him telling me once (quite emphatically), "I want my bike to always have training wheels! Even when I'm adult I'll have training wheels." *Smiles*

Since learning to ride a bike can be a tricky thing for a kiddo, we set up an incentive program where he can earn one sticker for practicing by himself (walking the bike), and another sticker for having me help him (while he pedals). Each sticker is worth a dime.

I recently read a parenting article that talks about the importance of praising children based on character rather than achievement.

For example, if you're child brings home straight A's, you should talk with them about all of their hard work and diligence in earning those grades rather than focusing on their intelligence. Making comments like, "You're so smart," or "You're such a great athlete," or "You're an awesome musician," can actually create insecurity in a child because those are things that they have no control over. You don't get to choose your level of intelligence, athleticism, or many other attributes. BUT, you do have the choice to develop your character. So, by focusing on the things that they do control (i.e. hard work, perseverance, good attitude, etc...) we as parents motivate them to put those qualities to work more often and in other areas of their lives.

Yesterday when Caedmon figured out how to ride his bike, you better believe that we lavished that child with praise! We took video footage; we called a few people; we even took him to In-N-Out to celebrate! But we made sure to focus on his character, not just on the achievement. Caedmon could not be more excited and is really proud of himself for sticking with it!

Hammy Sammy

We don't just call him "Hammy Sammy" for the adorable pop belly and chunky thighs that Sammy sports. (Actually, we don't call him Hammy Sammy at all. It just rhymes and I thought it'd be a good title.) Nevertheless, this kid loves life and loves the camera. He is such a ham.

Belly Button? from Stacie Wood on Vimeo.

A while back I was at Costco with Sammy and ran into a couple from Ethiopia. They immediately could tell Sammy was from Ethiopia and so we had a brief conversation. After interacting with Sammy for a few minutes the wife exclaimed, "Oh! You are just so lucky to have him!" I loved that comment and I couldn't agree more. Most of the time people say, "Wow, he's so lucky to have you." But the reality is we are even more blessed to have HIM! Full of smiles, full of laughter, full of life!

Monday Matrimony

Your weekly bit of [unsolicited] advice...

Tip of the Week: Money Matters!

Did you know that one of the top reasons sited for divorce is financial disputes? It is a huge "friction-causing" issue in marriage. At least it can be. But the good news is, it doesn't have to be!

When Andy and I first got married, we were so broke. We had both just graduated from college and were both unemployed. Talk about living on love! It was really fun...for about a summer. But by fall, it was not fun and was getting really stressful.

We both started graduate school and were both working part time with very little in a checking account and even less in savings. After a year of that, I got a full-time job teaching school which relieved a lot of the financial crisis. But our finances were always a source of tension. Even to this day it's easy to get uncomfortable talking through various expenses and priorities when it comes to money. But we have made a lot of progress!

One of the best things we did for our marriage (notice I did not say 'for our finances') is to go through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. This class helped us to understand principles of finance so much better and to get on the same page with each other. Andy and I thought we shared the same values financially because we knew we should never get into consumer debt. That was about the extent of our cumulative financial knowledge when we got married. Dave fixed that for us and gave some simple steps to help couples know how to make progress financially.

I would highly recommend (even urge) you to find a Financial Peace University to go through. South Bay offers this course as one of our Life Groups each semester. The principles are Biblically sound and it is unifying to have a common goal that you're working toward as a couple. No more of you trying to convince your spouse to buy this or your spouse trying to convince you to save up for this. Common goal. Unified hearts.

Here are Dave Ramsey's 7 Baby Steps (intended to be done in order):

1. $1,000 to start an Emergency Fund
2. Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball
3. 3 to 6 months of expenses in Savings
4. Invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement
5. College funding for children
6. Pay off home early
7. Build wealth and GIVE GENEROUSLY!!!

Church Planting Think Tank

Are you considering starting a church? Do you have a friend who was crazy enough to jump off the church planting cliff?  Are you involved in restarting or revitalizing an existing congregation? Are you involved with or leading an effort to extend God's Kingdom beyond the walls of your church?

Don't miss this upcoming think tank for church planters and leaders, their teams, wanna be church planters, and church leaders looking to make a significant impact on their community.

Bring your team and join us in the sunny Silicon Valley for a packed day of tested and tried best practices for advancing the Kingdom.

Practicioners Andy Wood and the team from South Bay Church join with Ben Pilgreen and team from Epic Church SF to share upclose and personal strategies and principles that have led to significant kingdom advancement in an area known to be hard ground for starting churches. By God's grace, South Bay Church is one of the fastest growing churches in the San Francisco Bay area. They have grown from handful of families to over 550 people in regular attendance in under two years. Ben Pilgreen has led the launch of Epic SF, one of the strongest church planting stories in San Francisco over the last decade. 

COST: $20 includes the cost of conference fees and lunch from Silicon Valley's Blue Rock BBQ. (vegetarian options available). $15 rate is for teams with more than 1 person attending. 
*Rates go up after March 21st.

Think Tank Schedule: *schedule subject to change 
9:00- 9:30- Registration Open
9:30-11:30- Best Practices for Gaining Traction. (Andy Wood, Filipe Santos, Ben Pilgreen)
Covering: Momentum Initiatives, Working with God in Faith, Mobilizing Your People to Invite their friends, engaging in your community, etc...
11:30-12:30- Breakout #1-See options below
12:30-1:00- Lunch/Break
1:00-2:00 Breakout #2-See options below
2:00-2:30- Break/Networking
2:30-4:30- Best Practices for Leading With Vision and Integrity. (Andy Wood, Filipe Santos)
Covering: The power of vision and creating culture, dealing with hidden barriers in from our personal lives that prevent growth, building your family while building your church.

For questions call South Bay Church- 408-890-5010 or email Laura@southbaychurch.org

Breakout Options: 
Andy Wood/ Ben Pilgreen- Developing Partners and Raising Resources.
Filipe Santos/David Hibiske/ Lindsey Lee- Connecting People Into Groups and Teams.
Renan Santos/Tim Milner- Getting Your Systems Straight. (Budget, Finances, Legal Stuff)
Archie Jackson- Maximizing Your Sunday Morning Experience.
Stacie Wood/ Juliane Santos- Launching a Killer Kids Experience.
Chris Lagerlof- Vision 360- Planting The Gospel While Planting The Church.

Click here to register.

Confessions of a neat freak...

Confession: I do not like messes. I don't like playdough or painting or chocolate pudding or bathtimes that include excessive amounts of splashing. I'm pretty sure that puts me out of the running for "Mom of the Year" award.

As much as I have tried to just get over it and let it go, messes do not say "A Good Time" to me. They say scream "A Lot of Clean-Up". Perhaps if I was not the one doing all of the clean up, I could really get into jumping in puddles, smearing peanut butter all over my face, and shaking my sippy cup full of milk all over the carpet. But, as we have it, a wonderful mess is not a wonderful time. At least for me.

However, I do have my moments when I push past my phobia of messes and bust out the paint or playdough. In those rare moments, I have to snap a few photos lest my children believe I completely deprived them of all fun in life. In the Wood household, we have come to an agreement that these are outside activities...good thing we live somewhere that we can go outside most of the year!

So, for your viewing pleasure (and to remind my boys that they did [occasionally] get to paint)...

15 minutes to set it all up.
20 minutes to clean it all up.
But, man, they sure did have a blast for the 14.5 minutes that they painted.

I know. I know. I've got issues! :-)

Quotable Caedmon

Caedmon says some pretty stinkin funny stuff. I try to tweet/FB as many quotes as I can so I that I'll remember them later and share a good laugh with some of you. But I realize that not all of you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, and I don't want you to miss out on my silly son. So here's the latest from the Cade-man.

• Caedmon came into my room early one morning and said, "I just have one small problem with sleeping. My eyes won't stay closed."
• Reflecting on the 5 vaccinations Caedmon received at his check-up he said, "Mommy, I cried when the doctor shot me."
• Caedmon came running over to me breathing really heavy and said (multiple times), "Mom, I'm trying to catch my breasts."
• As he was laying in bed one night trying to fall asleep he started singing an original song with the main lyrics being "Tortilla in the Highest". 
• "Mom! Sammy is on a mission to bother me!" ...Premeditated bothering. Sounds like a serious crime.
• "The great thing about birthdays is that they always come back!"
• "Mom, you should start saving boxes now because I'm going to take all of my toys to college...I'll leave some for Sammy, though."
• "Mom, I've got some terrible news. I just saw gray clouds in the sky. Lots and lots of them. I told them, 'Oh no! Not again!'"

Conversations:
Me: "Caedmon, what is that on your pants?
Caedmon: "I dunno. It's not boogers. Mom, is that good that it's not boogers?"
Me: "Yes, Caedmon. I'm proud of you."

Caedmon came out of his room crying one night after we had put him to bed. He said,
"Mom, I hit my head on the bed."
Me: "I'm sorry buddy."
Caedmon: "Can I have my cold pack?"
Me: "No."
Caedmon: "Why not?"
Me: "Because the last time I sent you to bed with a cold pack we had to call Poison Control."
Caedmon: "Aww, Man!"

Caedmon & Lily (Fi & Mandy's 4 year old daughter)
Lily: "Hey Caedmon, do you know what you have to do to go to Heaven?"
Caedmon: "What?"
Lily: "You have to die."