Tuesday, February 21, 2012


The highlight of my day every Tuesday & Thursday comes from 12:00-12:10. It's those first few minutes when I pick Caedmon up from school. I'm not exactly sure what it is...I was only away from him for 3 hours, but I am always so excited to see him.

And, I might be fooling myself, but I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual.

All the kiddos are supposed to stay in their seats until their parents have signed them out each day (just to eliminate chaos). But most days, Caedmon, who has never been known for his exceptional ability to follow rules, pops out of his seat and runs to me as soon as I walk in the door. Like some magnetic force that draws us together.

Last Thursday I bounced in Caedmon's classroom with a huge grin on my face quickly scanning the room to find Caedmon. He sees me and jumps right up and runs to me, but this time with tears in his eyes. I squatted down and he buried his head in my chest and mumbles, "Today was sharing day."

My heart broke to see his heart so broken. I didn't realize that it was sharing day and therefore Caedmon didn't take anything with him to share. It was the first time that had ever happened.

I said, "Oh, Caedmon. I am so sorry! Did you feel left out?"

Sniff, sniff, "Yeah."

His precious teacher who was watching the soap opera unfold rushed to the scene and reassured him, "Caedmon, you can bring something to share on Tuesday."

Sniff, sniff, "Okay."

That helped calm him down, but he was still sad. Not mad-sad or disappointed-sad. Just genuinely sad. And it made my heart hurt and wished that I had super powers to turn back time 3.5 hours so that we could prepare something really awesome for him to share with his friends.

Later that day the thought occurred to me there will be many more occasions in Caedmon's life when his heart is dashed against the rocks. And there won't always be a simple solution like there was this time. There will be moments when his heart aches so deeply that he's embarrassed to try to express it. He will walk through pain and trials and receive wounds that leave nasty scars. And as his mom, my heart will ache with him and wish with everything in me that I could take that pain upon myself.

When my brother was in high school, he lost one of his very best friends in a car accident. My mom happened to be out of town at the time. She hadn't heard the news yet when we went to greet her at the airport. We all tried to pretend like everything was okay and said "Welcome Home!" and gave hugs and kisses. But she took one look at my brother's eyes and knew something was terribly wrong. When my dad told her what happened she wrapped her arms around my brother and they both sobbed in that airport. 

She didn't have to squat down to get to eye level with that big teenage boy and he was far too big for her to hold, but I know she wanted to. Because that what mom's do. We pick up our kids when they hurt and we squeeze them so tight and whisper things in their ears that somehow quiet their hearts.  

And we hurt with them.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 34:18 which says:
God is near to the brokenhearted. 

He's like a parent who picks us up and squeezes us close, letting us feel the rhythm of His heart. In those moments, His throne becomes a rocking chair and the praise of heaven becomes a lullaby. 

When I walk through unbearable pain, like a deep depression I suffered through for a couple of years or our struggle with infertility, I don't turn away and shake my fist at God. Why would I run from my Source of comfort? It makes me so sad when I see people turn from God when they face a crisis. We were NEVER promised the crisis wouldn't come. But we were promised the COMFORT and NEARNESS of God in the crisis. 

When you face pain in your life so intense and raging that it takes your breath away, allow yourself to feel the nearness of God. He is there with you. He is squeezing you tight and whispering His truth in your ear.  Truth that says He can turn your mourning into dancing, and your weeping and despair into praise. Trust your Father enough to believe what He says even when you can feel nothing but pain. 

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4


Gennie said...

I love this post! It's so true, and so fitting in my life right now. Thank you for posting.

Tine said...


Erin Wilson said...

Wonderful post Stacie. Wonderful Truth for us all. Thank you.